When You Feel Like Speaking Up Is Not Worth The Effort

There is a line. A very fine, faint, line. Between avoiding confrontation and not giving a damn about your existence. They say we think, therefore we exist. That may be so, but if we spend all our time thinking to ourselves, where are we existing? Are we living, or are we existing in some delusional dimension of the imagination? We live in a world rooted in narcissism, where everybody is fighting for a voice. There are 7 billion of us, social, interdependent, yet also wrapped up in some sick, unspoken cycle of competition.

When all is said and done, life is one big screaming match, and the people who scream the loudest and the longest are the winners. Everybody’s shouting and you have to, too. You have to think aloud to be heard. You have to stand up for your voice, or it will be silenced by the rest. It won’t happen immediately. Or intentionally. But stop shouting, stop giving a damn for just long enough–in a world where speech is lifeblood–and your lack of talking becomes stillness and everyone knows that stillness is second to death.

So don’t die, please. Speak. Because the alternative leaves you short of a sad existence because you’re not even existing at all. And once you stop speaking it’s really hard to start again.

If you’re anything like me, the initial stages of not giving a damn disguise themselves as disliking confrontation. Among friends, at parties, in large discussions, you’ll begin to feel tired. Tired of fighting for your turn to speak. Like what you have to say is just not worth the effort. Being with people becomes more arduous than enjoyable. So eventually you think to yourself, why bother? And you do just that. You stop bothering.

When you stop bothering to speak, you also stop bothering to listen. You stop evolving. You become still. And when everyone’s mouths around you are moving, constantly, your tightlipped-ness makes you the odd one out. Your silence fuels itself, creating a wall that grows with time. And just like that, before you know it–because life moves really fast sometimes or most times actually–you’ve become disconnected from everyone. You start existing in your head and not in the world and I’m nobody to say there’s anything wrong with being an introvert but introspect without substance and life experience to draw upon only gets you so far.

Life is too short and your voice is too valuable for your life to be anything but full and your voice mute. Speech is risk-free currency, save for your reputation.

But that’s the beautiful thing about speech. You get to choose your speech. You get to craft your reputation. If you don’t use it, you lose it. Speak often, speak loudly. And eventually, you’ll find a voice that won’t have to fight to be heard.

When you speak, you affirm. You confront. You exist.

Don’t validate your not giving a damn with disliking confrontation. Don’t accept being background noise. Give a damn.

Don’t grant the 7 billion other voices the satisfaction of having one less voice to shout over. Because when you shout with them, together, you harmonize. You ignite dialogue, and that’s pretty great. Because in a world where speaking is currency, when you exchange speech, you get richer in life and in love and in intellect.

Confrontation doesn’t have to be destructive and dialogue never hurt no one. My advice to you is this. Confront life. Confront people. Confront yourself. Each and every day and don’t you dare think about giving up. Your voice is too important to be lost.

Find something worth shouting about. It’s okay if you haven’t found it yet, but make the effort to look within and around you and the rest will flow from there. Connect with yourself, with your life, and with others. Give a damn, because existing with purpose and passion is absolutely worth it.

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How To Measure A Good Life

We measure a “good life” based on how well we adhere to trajectories. How closely what happens is aligned with our temporary, subjective past thoughts about it. The measure of a life well lived is a cultural, social concept, and it’s changed over time. The governing belief of what will make for a worthwhile existence right now, for us, is individual accomplishment (at other times in history it was religious obedience, or procreation, and so on.)

We’re not made to be self-serving in an existential way. In fact, we classify doing so as all but a mental disorder. Everything, even our most rote daily tasks, only seem comfortable if they add up to something in the end.

But we set out maximize our pleasure regardless. To aggrandize individuality in lieu of community and wholeness, and in the process, we find that instead of our passions compounding into a spectacular life, we’re empty and stressed and exhausted and twisted in mental circles trying to make sense of why things don’t feel the way they appear.

Nothing looks the way we think it will. Nobody reflects on their lives and concludes with “yes, this is exactly how I thought it would go.” The point is not to get reality to align with ideas about it, or to manipulate those ideas about the uncontrollable so we feel in power of them.
Yet the measuring stick for a good life does just that, as it’s still rooted in our most basic operating system: our survivalist instincts, which want sex and pleasure and fame and recognition and ego-augmenting attention. It’s the hit and go, get and chase, want and strive and ruthlessly steal. We’re able to dress these things up to seem civilized, when the people acting on them are in offices and grocery stores and our Tinder accounts.

Animals don’t actualize what it means to have gotten their prey or not. They don’t consider the psychological implications of a potential mate walking away. They don’t piece together their lives, or reach for “more.” Their instinctive existence works, because they don’t inherently desire to transcend it.

Animals have no need to evaluate whether or not they’ve had a ‘good life,’ so they don’t strive to be more than they are. But we do.

Yet, by measuring how much “good” we’ve done by images, ideas and clean story lines, we sorely miss the point. We always fall short.

We were not built to be more than we are. Our desire to be more isn’t a matter of being beyond our humanness, but wanting to be comfortably in it. Sages teach that we’re designed for the messiness and simplicity of everyday life – that desiring an external “more” is a mechanism of the ego. It’s not transcendence, it’s avoidance.

The way to measure a good life is by how much you still want to change it, which is proportionate to how much you inherently know it can be better. You measure a good life by your capacity to feel discomfort. The extent to which you’ve questioned yourself. How many times you’ve changed your mind. The series of dogmas you’ve adopted and left. The family you chose for yourself.

The number of coffee cups over which you’ve had funny and serious and hurtful and beautiful talks. The depth to which your empathy extends. The number of long walks you’ve taken by yourself, and journal pages you’ve filled with the incoherent thoughts. The evolution of the way you philosophize your existence. The evolution of the way you perceive other people.

The days you’ve soberly worked despite the shards of passion having dissolved. A good life isn’t passionate, it’s purposeful. Passion is the spark that lights the fire, purpose is the kindling that keeps the flame burning all night.

The number of relationships you’ve had the courage to end. The easy way out is to stay. The comforting idea is to settle. The liberation is how many times you reach for something more even though you can’t conceive of what that could be. That unnameable feeling is the mark of a good life.

You measure a good life by the time you sincerely felt the sunlight across your bedsheets in the morning was awe-inspiringly-divine. The ways you can count you were a better person than before. The ways you can count you’d like to be better in the future.

The number of things that you lost and learned how to not attach to anymore. The number of moments in which you were almost at the end of your capacity only to find that there was another ocean’s worth once you were pushed beyond the surface.

A good life is not measured by what you do, it’s about what you are. Not how many people you loved, but how much. It has nothing to do with how well things turn out, or how seamlessly the plan is followed. It’s about the bits of magic you stumble upon when you dive off path. It’s not about the things that didn’t work out, it’s about what you learn when they don’t. Those bits and pieces, awakenings and knowledge, are what build and make you able to perceive things greater than you can currently imagine. A good life is not how it adds up in the end, but what you’re counting along the way.

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The ruse called Colonialism

In this way the colonists’ continuous racial, intellectual and economic dominance was farther enhanced with wizen humility. The colonists took this lingering administrative stance that wasn’t as apparently forceful as it appeared to be civil and polite.
It was all meant to appear like they had basically sought to train, guide and subsequently allow the indigenes to take over the governance of their own regions without any strings attached. But it was actually only effected to ensure that the colonists’ many economic and military interests were served efficiently and their business potentials enhanced farther. Their generally assumed act of humility was actually just another act of smart dominance oriented tutelage, pursued like it was supposedly started. It was perpetuated in the early stages of the discovery of continents, when the imparting of religion and civilization traits fronted for the real deceptive exploitive ones of commercial trade, macro property commandeering, blatant thievery of resources and the dubious acquisition agenda that was actually being meticulously pursued.

The colonists had followed that through with a systematic gusto that didn’t appear much like the ruthless punitive activity it truly was. The bright complexioned, self-styled educated and civilized race had thus sowed a trend they have continually nurtured in a steady manner across the world. This trend doesn’t belie their initial, and still prevailing, intent to remain the revered superior race. At every stage they appear to alter and fairly equalize their obvious considerable advantages. They had simply repeatedly gone ahead to activated the next stage in this continuous sequence of theirs, which had been strictly characterized with incessant deceptive assertions.
The sequence of stages include their laughable claims of the discoveries of already inhabited territories around the world, barbaric slavery and racially bias colonization, looting of resources and the thievery of anciently owned territories, their elitist indirect rule and global downsizing of induced independence, their tight resource utilization by way of economic reliance, monopolized trade in-balance. It finally matures into a crafted financial and political dependency. The flexing of their attained might by the colonists, continues extensively in their coerced guidance of the quantity of skilled labour and in their manipulated drainage of quality labour.

Mere administrative free colonies were indoctrinated into being political communities, embracing tenets not remotely traditional to their cultures, making their reliance to democratic ideals unrealistic. In the native’s misapplied efforts, their emerging nations ended up with basically unsustainable spades of advocated shady corruptible organized bureaucracies. These pathetic forms of administrative tenancy reeked of falsified enticed hope as they excel mainly in the equality of entertainment their politicking produces and not the purposefulness of its produce.

This more ideologically rather than geographically classed westernized race, that constituted the colonizing masters, made sure their own lifestyles were branded and trended, such that their ways continually captivates the disordered focus of all other races not of their original biological linage. The colonists fundamentally ensured their lifestyle is predominantly copied worldwide.

Soon the colonists’ versioned civilized wisdom was adapted were they chose to plant it, and they sowed it everywhere. The tenacity of their purpose paid off as their lifestyle became the norm the world over. In most places the colonist’s ways were taken to with an enshrined inescapable adherence. Soon enough, everywhere the colonists had been, the local traditions lost out as their western ways took firm root. The impact of this was felt the world over, with an intoxicating humbled awe. The indigenous continent of the dark shinned race was no exception.

The colonists’ western ways dominated yet this didn’t appear to give others the same end result as it seems to give them, principally because of the obvious excellent effectiveness with which they follow through their agenda to subjugate everyone else. But this enduring quest of the colonists’ is only as vivid as the light of comprehension that shines on it and reveals it to be.

The ruse they surround it in is always pointing out tomorrow will be brighter here, when it is already tomorrow on the other side of the globe the sun had already risen in. Everyone else wants the brightness now, so they garnish the inner disunity of others in one massive selective all encompassing fool’s paradise. The paralyzing effect will only get to overcome itself with more confusion as the colonists ready themselves to leave, arranging to substitute one method with the semblance of it, with similar crystal clear pattern. What they leave behind to be administered by the local subordinates they had trained in their likeness, is best described as a legacy of perpetual racial dominance based on the basic humanized rights they advocate.
Fever: The origins of fever (Volume 1)

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Why Our Generation Failed

Our generation is a mess, we all know this and so do the generations before us. However, we are such a beautiful one. We live in times of brokenness, where the world around us is in such chaos and lack of unity.

We are broken. And yet, we can relate to the Greek Goddess Akhilandeshvari for we know that within these broken times, our eyes are wide open. Our generation knows that through this broken, horrible mess, we are free. Free to grow and discover.

We live in a time of change. Where through heartbreaks we become better. Through all of our past shitty family ties, we become stronger and grow into who we want to be. Not who anyone else wants us to be, or who we were “supposed” to be.

Our generation is a unity in individuality. Where contradictions are good and necessary. I am a contradiction. I have always been a living contradiction. Seeing the good in everything and why unity is important, but so is individuality.

If it weren’t for our individuality we wouldn’t belong to ourselves, and be able to control our own thoughts and emotions. With our own unique individualities we are a puzzle piece in the beautiful picture of unity, if only we allowed all the other pieces to fit with ours.

Why should it matter someone’s race, gender, or sexual status? What matters is yours! The only thing that should matter to you is your own standing through it all. I am not perfect, and I have judged many others countless times. But it’s time for it to end.

Something bigger and better is coming and it’s greater than all of us. What is coming will not wait for you to be ready; it will wait for no one.

Our generation failed because we see right through all of the bullshit being fed. We see, and not with our eyes but with our doubts, our questions.

Don’t you see? WE ARE EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. We are so much stronger. We are so much more! Think about it, how scared would you be to know that and not be a part of it? We mustn’t fight the force, though. That does not make us better than any of those trying to stop us from being who we ARE meant to be.

What we must do, however, is watch the world around us fall apart on it’s own. We cannot be a part of the chaos. The world is too important. The world does not owe anyone anything. The world needs us, because we are the world.

Let the world fail. Let it fail. Because failure is oh, so beautiful

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Change Is The Only Constant Thing In This World

Change is the only constant thing in this world. Just like seasons, life and people changes too. You get things the way you like it and then something beyond your authority bumps you off. You gain friends, lose a few. You grow up and learn things you never thought you would know through your journey. You’ll travel a pathway with curves and intersections, and that’s where you’ll meet new people. But not everyone you’ll meet will stay with you through out. There are those who will travel with you and stay a lifetime but there are also those people who you’ll only meet in a crossroad. Often, life plays jokes on you and sometimes you just feel like you’re about to give it all up. It feels unfair because when you finally find someone to make you truly happy, life takes it away. It slings everything good in front of you and then takes the rag under your feet only when things are doing great.

Brian Faulkner once said “Life is like a book. There are good chapters and bad chapters. But when you get to a bad chapter, you don’t stop reading the book. If you do, you will never know what happens next.” Most of us, especially the despondent, we tend to close the book when we get to the bad part of the story and that’s when cutting starts; suicides and lost of hope. Because we think that there would not be another good chapter of the story. We give up too easily. We all have this attitude where we assume things, especially when we have the wealth and looks. But that’s not how life works. We cannot get something that we want all the time; we cannot have somebody that we love all the time. One of the reasons why suicidal attempts are very common to teenagers is because they only focus on the ugly side of life. They keep their head down not knowing that there is light in front of them.

Life is beautiful, but only a few see it. Perhaps because of the trials and battles that life has given them. I tell you, you can never run away from your problems. Drinking and cutting never helps. Even if you do it a millions times, it’s still there. It will never go away. The only thing you can do is be strong and courageous. You have to fill yourself with courage to fight the battle that life has drawn on you. Because if you don’t, your life cannot get any better. You will feel miserable. You have to know that life is fair. Fair? Yes, it is. Because it doesn’t treat everyone equal. Not everyone has good jobs. Not everyone is rich. Not everyone has a decent life. Not every girl is pretty. But that’s okay, because nobody is flawless. Where is perfect? What is perfect? Life itself isn’t perfect either. Nothing is. Everyone will get through an obstacle in life and that’s normal. It doesn’t matter how big it is, how small. The only thing that matters is how you are going to deal with it and how you can get to remember God. Problems in life aren’t those like the ones we solve during our Math class. It’s much more difficult and complicated. Unlike Math equations, trials in the real world can never be solved. It can only be lessen.

Always look at the brighter side of life when you’re at your darkest point. Life itself is a blessing. Not everyone can be able to experience it. You’re lucky enough to see the beauty of God’s creations. You’re lucky you are alive because there are those children who never get to see how radiant a flower is; they never get to feel how rough a stone can be or how painful it gets to get your heart broken by somebody. Always know that not everybody has it. God gives tough battles to his strongest soldiers.

Every obstacle you have been through will change you in some way. Every person you will meet will change you. It’s your job to decide how. Live the life you want to live, because you will never know when your time is up. Just remember that there are obstacles you have to face and no matter how much you want to run from them, you can’t. The only thing to move forward is to fight the monster ahead of you. You could get a scar from the knife that the monster in holding and lose, or you could win without any scratch from the fight and move forward. But you’re never gonna know unless you try. When you lose, don’t give up. You’ve reached too far. Always carry faith and courage with you. When you have a bad day, just get a goodnight sleep. And when there are people who try to touch your nerve, ask yourself. Are they worth the stress?

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How To Survive A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

In the movie “Alexander’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” the main character, Alexander, makes a birthday wish that his family have an awful day. His wish comes true, and everything goes horrendously wrong for the entire day. In the end, the family learns a valuable lesson: that no matter how bad things are, they still have each other–and in order to enjoy the good days you have to have some less than stellar ones.

Life can be ridiculously frustrating at times. At one point or another, we’ve all had a “Murphy’s Law” type day. We woke up on the wrong side of the bed and things continued to snowball from then on. For some of us the frustration lasts for more than a day, and for others, the frustration never ends. Things don’t always go our way, and sometimes life can hit us from several angles simultaneously. Sadly, life is simply too painful for some—sometimes to the point where one decides to end it.

I think that part of the reason why life can be so hard at times isn’t simply because it’s hard. It’s also because of the seemingly pervasive idea that it’s not supposed to be. We live in a society that idolizes perfection. When are bombarded with advertisements showing us the end results and none of the struggles. Hedonism dominates our culture. Perhaps the reason so many of us are unhappy isn’t because our lives are necessarily bad, but that we have unrealistic expectations of what life is supposed to be like. A quote from one of my favorite movies of all time, Blow, illustrates this point in a simple and yet illuminating fashion.

“Sometimes you’re flush and sometimes you’re bust, and when you’re up, it’s never as good as it seems, and when you’re down, you never think you’ll be up again, but life goes on.”

“Life goes on.” No matter what happens in life, it moves forward, and what’s done is done. Things aren’t always going to go your way and nature doesn’t care about our meticulous planning for the future. Shit happens.

The idea I’m going to present to combat living a bad life may sound counterintuitive at first, but follow along with me.

Maybe we all need to be a little more pessimistic.

Don’t get me wrong; it is imperative to be optimistic about your life in the long run. I’m just saying don’t expect your life to be rosy all of the time, and definitely don’t expect to gain something that’s really worth having easily.

We watch documentaries like “The Secret” which say all you have to do is put a picture of a fancy car on your wall, and wish for it, then you will have it. We read books like “Think and Grow Rich” which claim that you just need to have a strong desire for riches and they shall be granted to you. This is not how the world works. Realize that you aren’t going to get everything you want just because you are a good person. This isn’t Kindergarten anymore, and you don’t get a gold star just for showing up.

Expect the unexpected. As soon as you can grasp the fact that you really don’t have control over your life you will feel a little more at ease. That isn’t to say that you literally have no influence over the quality of your life, because you definitely do. I just mean that there is always a possibility of something going awry. On the journey to your goals you are certain to have obstacles. If you are in a relationship you are undoubtedly going to have some issues from time to time. Even for those of you living a good life, every once and a while, you may have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Just accept it.

When you are making a plan for your business, for your health, for anything really, there’s nothing wrong with having a contingency plan. When making any plan I’d like you to think of 3 possible outcomes. The first outcome is the ideal one; where everything goes just as you planned and you’re the hero. The second one is the worst possible outcome; where essentially everything goes terribly wrong. The third one is the likely outcome; what will probably happen. If you think about the worst-case scenario of a situation, and decide that you would be able to deal with it, proceed with your plan. Be ready for each outcome. If you make a plan and only expect one outcome, and it doesn’t go that way, of course you are going to be upset.

Life has ups and downs; you will never be able to escape that, so why burden yourself with the idea that it’s not supposed to be that way? Prepare yourself. The economy can be unpredictable; save your money. Your body deteriorates, as you get older; keep yourself fit and healthy. Your relationships with your family and friends will be tested; strengthen them now.

In the metaphorical highway of life, while you’re in the driver’s seat, wear your seat belt.

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Read This If Nobody Texted You Good Morning

First of all: Good morning, beautiful.

Is it too late to say that? I know you’ve probably been awake a while – likely hours or even all day. I know you may have gone this whole time without hearing it – shrugging back to friends and family who asked you how you’re doing with a non-committal “Fine” because that is what we’re meant to do as humans – answer meaningful questions with arbitrary phrases. I know that you may not be fine. I know you may have had a lacklustre day. And I know that something as incredibly mundane as a “Good morning” text may have made all the difference in the world. It’s okay if that’s the case. It’s okay to sometimes ache for those simple and kind-hearted gestures.

Because the truth is that good morning texts are more than a half-hearted means of communication. They are a sign that we are thought of. Cared for. Adored, by someone who may not be immediately present. They are a reminder – one we perhaps should not need but sometimes do – that we are appreciated in our entireties. So if you did not get one this morning, here is what I want you to know:

You deserve to have a good day today. Not because of some universal law that necessitates good things happening to worthwhile people, but because we all do. We all deserve to have a beautiful morning and a correspondingly fantastic day, regardless of who loves us or appreciates us or thinks of us first thing when they wake up in the AM. Just because someone is not around to appreciate the complexities of who you are does not mean that you deserve anything less than pure joy. And in case there’s no one else to remind you, here is what else I want you to know:

There’s a particular way you laugh that can make an entire room light up, if only for a moment in time. There is a way you tilt your head when you are concentrating that makes you look unbearably kissable – as if you were placed on this earth only to stare at things and frown in the most endearing form humanely possible. There is a noise you make when you are falling asleep – a soft, almost inaudible sigh that sounds like the ethereal embodiment of all that is tranquil and calm. There are a thousand minute intricacies that make up the tapestry of who you are and not a single one has ceased to exist since the last time that somebody loved you.

I know we’re not supposed to need reminders of that. I know that we’re supposed to be strong and self-sufficient and reassured – certain of our own worth, questioning only the value of others. But we’re human. We forget.

We forget that we are loveable. We forget that we’re desired. We forget that we are anything other than the hard-shelled, busybody workaholics that we’ve all been trained to behave as. We forget that we, too, merit adoration.

And here’s what it’s easiest to forget: Who you are doesn’t cease to exist because there’s nobody there to admire it. The way you bite your pencil is still cute, even when there’s nobody to tease you for it. The way you hold yourself still exudes confidence, even if there’s no one to assert it to. The way your eyes light up when you’re talking about what you love is – and endlessly will be – attractive, regardless of who is there to listen to you speak. All the little quirks that make you up are not extinguished because somebody once chose against them. You still deserve to have a good day, even when there’s no one there to wish it to you. Even if you forget to remind yourself.

Someday someone’s going to love all of those tiny things about you. Someone’s going to love the way you cough. They’re going to laugh at the way you lose your keys while you’re actually holding them. Someday, someone is going to stare at you from across a crowded room and know exactly how you’re feeling based on the way your head is tilting or the type of wine you’ve used to fill your glass. Someone is going to appreciate all of your obscurities eventually but right now they are all only your own. And that’s okay. First and foremost, you will always belong to yourself.

Here’s what I urge of you if you did not receive a good morning text today: Don’t forget about what makes you incredible. Don’t let your own intricacies slide. Because the loveable parts of you are not gone – I absolutely promise you that much.

You are so much more than the person who nobody texted this morning. You are encompassing. You are fierce. You are a blazing, roaring fire in a world full of people who’ve been burnt. So please, refuse to let the wounded people extinguish you. Refuse to be tamed. Refuse to flicker down into a meagre, burnt-out coal because somebody else is not tending to your flame.

At the end of the day, we’re all in charge of what we bring to our lives. So be the person who brings light to your own, even if nobody else shows up to it. Be the person who has a good day, even if nobody wishes it to them. Find a way to fuel your flame when no one else remembers to, because the world needs the light you give off.

And you, my dear, are too intense a power to be reduced by something as small and insignificant as the lack of a good morning text.

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