​This Is Your Life And You Have To Own It

Your Life. What does that mean to you.

If you were to ask me this question a year or two ago my answer would probably have been, what do you mean? My life is school, grades, how people view me, how I act in front of people, and the faces
I put on in different scenarios. These are not limited to these examples but I put them there to prove a point. My life consisted of everything physical and how people viewed me.  Fast-forward to present day, from my experiences and lessons, I would answer the question differently.
What does my life mean to me? Me? Hmm… that is a good question. My life to me… is meant to be lived.
Lived in the aspect of feeling and experiencing.  Feeling my emotions and absorbing my experiences, good or bad. That is what my life means and what I value.
Everyone is different, but that is mine.  My hope for you however is that what your life means to you is not based upon any judgements of others.  You know why? Because if they are going to sit there and judge the way you speak, the way you act, or the way you react to situations then they truly do not understand the concept of living and what it means.
Living means learning. Living means feeling.  Living means making mistakes. And living means doing. Doing what your little heart desires, within reason of course to your health.
To the main point of this article however is to realize that this life is yours and yours only.  It is not your parents, your grandparents, your friends, your peers, your boyfriend’s, your girlfriend’s, or anything but yours.  What I mean through these examples is when you choose to do something based on how you think they would react or doing so to seek their approval and confirmation.  Having been in that situation before I can relate to feeling the uncontrol and the overwhelming sense of anxiety.
Secondly, if you relate to this can I just say that this is not what you deserve. You were given this life. You were given this one life. If you are trying to live in the expectations others have “set” for you to follow then you will not find what your life truly means to you.  Not genuinely.
Everyone’s circumstances are different and effect each person differently. That is why this can be a difficult topic to write about, really anything about mental health is hard to write about, because how can I as a writer know what you are personally going through and give you advice, through what I have learned, that can genuinely help you to make a break through in your own mind.  The answer for me is: I don’t know.
But that is what I have to accept too, not everyone will feel moved or be effected by my writing. But if it helps one. One person find a little self-discovery then it is worth it to me. Here is what I would say about trying to live your life in others expectations. One day, this may sound morbid but please bear with me on this one, you will wake up and you may not have your parents anymore, your siblings, or the friends that you have now. Don’t focus on that, focus on the fact that you will be surrounded with what you have chosen to surround yourself with.
That’s it. What happens then. Who will you look to in order to make decisions?  To tell you who to see? To tell you what to do? To tell you what you are supposed to like or dislike? Are you catching on a little bit… I hope you are. The earlier to realize this, the earlier you will begin to see that your life is yours. It cannot be anyone else’s because A) why would you want to live someone else’s life, they have their problems as well– you may just not see them. B) you were given your soul, your mind, and your emotions.

These are what matter in the long run. What you will look back when you are old. How happy you felt, how loved you felt, how appreciated you felt. Not whether you got an A + on the math exam or how successful you were in a job that you never really enjoyed.

How do you want to view your life? You choose. But don’t just choose, change.

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​Life Is Fleeting, But We Must Press On

“There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.”
—Fred Rogers
It’s hard to believe that the year is already half over. We crossed the half-way point in June, and as we turn the corner into the later part of the year, I once again come to terms with the realization that the year is not new anymore, and that life continues on as it always has, hurried and unavoidable.
When the year seems new, the canvas of my life seems fresh and untainted. I am unburdened; blissfully oblivious of how quickly time flies. I set goals and intentions for how I’ll live and how I’ll grow. I resolve to be better. The weight of the last year lifts for a moment, and I feel as though I can do anything.
Then I realize I still  have responsibilities, and even baggage. Even my most low-key resolution – reaching  to the people I care about – is exhausting; I don’t want to keep sharing my worries with friends who seem to have it together. I tell myself I don’t have time to chart- I’m just too busy. In short, I am sick of “trying.”
Some of you may be valiantly keeping all the promises you secretly made to yourself at the beginning of this year. But others, like me, are losing the determination to stick to our guns as cold July days tick by in Nairobi, thick with lazy  vibes, and humidity. Our resolutions are quickly forgotten in the chaos of a monotonous days of the week, a bad case of strep throat, or the death of a loved one. Our best intentions are slowly getting beset by daily life.
To the people who feel like this year has already gotten out of control, who once again feel stagnant in their quest for a better self, who feel overwhelmed, who realize the brevity of the days, I’ve got a heavy but hopeful message: Mistakes and steps backward can be a necessary part of the journey, and change does not happen all at once.
In his book, Warrior of the Light, the author Paulo Coelho writes,
“He [the Warrior] often finds himself faced by the same problems and situations, and seeing these difficult situations return, he grows depressed, thinking he is incapable of making any progress in life.
‘I’ve been through all this before,’ he says to his heart.
‘Yes, you have been through all this before,’ replies his heart. ‘but you have never been beyond it.’

Then he [the Warrior] realizes that these repeated experiences have but one aim: to teach him what he does not want to learn.”
It makes sense that the majority of people don’t want to learn hard things through trial and error; it leads to disappointment and frustration. We desperately want for life to be normal or easy, for good things to magically happen to us. We are a reactionary species, and most recently a society which values instant gratification. Rare is the person who pursues gradual challenges or change.
To assume I will still have friends, if I never reach out and put in the effort to connect, is leaving a lot to chance. Most likely the results won’t be good. If I want to love my friends well, I better choose to be a more intentional friend by reaching out to them in tangible ways, every single day. Yet, because this change of self doesn’t happen overnight, I end up feeling like a garbage friend when I realize I haven’t touched base with certain people in over a month. Am I wasting my days? Why can’t I seem to get it together?
The “day-to-day” is messy, agonizing, and just down-right tiring. We are constantly faced with challenges and often don’t do what is ultimately best for us. We mess up. This is when those feelings of inadequacy start to creep in. We beat ourselves up for not being better than we are. But guys listen up: Personal growth has no timeline; there is no deadline to meet.
I believe that in the telling of my greater life story, misadventures lead to deeper self-awareness, clarity regarding our personal priorities, and give hopeful hints in answering some tough questions. What do I prioritize? What led to the failure I experienced? These rough times lead to the change I so desperately seek at the beginning of every year. The daily challenges are what make up a life that is consistently striving “for more.”
More purpose. More. Adventure. More growth.
In writing this, I hope to not only myself, but others too. While embarking on a mission towards a better self is risky, to never take the first steps because it will “take too much time or effort, would be denying ones’ self of the incredible opportunity to make the kind of change that instills itself in the soul and holds on forever. By wrestling with my tendency to give up making the effort to connect, I am building stronger will that can translate to other areas of my life. I may not always want to be vulnerable with people when connecting to them, and maybe I’ll chose happy hour over chatting, but at least I am trying. Only by trying, even if there is a possibility for failure, can we grow steadfast in our intentions.
Do not think of this year as a sprint towards a better you, think of it as one leg in the long marathon towards a more fulfilling story for your life.</h2?

We all learn at different paces and through different methods, so as we head into the latter part of this year, simply resolve to grow. Don’t give up this year as a lost cause. Set intentions and fail, knowing that one day you will not make the same mistakes and the goals, which once seem so unreachable, will come into view. I want to own and create a magical and empowered personal story for myself, one “letter to a friend” at a time, and so I will press on toward greater intimacy with those I most love, with the hope that this task that seems so challenging now, will one day be a concrete part of my ever evolving story.
“…we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry, thinking “What am I gonna do?”, “Where am I gonna be in ten years?” ….. in the end none of us have very long on this earth – life is fleeting. And if you’re ever distressed, cast your eyes to the sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night, and when a shooting star streaks through the blackness turning night into day, make a wish…Make your life spectacular.”
–JACK (1996)

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TELL ME HOW YOU SPEND YOUR DAYS AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO YOU’LL BECOME

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The good news is, you have the same 24 hours as every successful person you know. The difference though might be that they spend this time more wisely.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is to monitor the things I allocate my time to and make adjustments so that my everyday behavior reflects what I want out of life. In other words, I have to make sure my daily actions are in line with my long-term goals.

The thing that most people don’t understand is that they build their career daily. You carve your…

How do you spend your days? Do you go to work and come home to watch TV before bed? This must mean you’re satisfied with your job and happy with your life. Do you make time to go to networking events after work? Then you probably want to take your career to the next step or continue your professional development. Do you spend your 5 to 9 volunteering or working on your creative projects – whether that’d be writing a book, filming and editing videos, painting, making beaded bracelets etc.? Then you have something you’re passionate about and showing the world what you care about. Do you stay home and binge watch the latest series and movies or mindlessly browse the Internet?

If you do something well and consistently, it will become your reality. Habits develop as a result of doing something long enough. They become the building blocks of your long-term behavior. This in turn determines the course of your life. If you’re unhappy with where you are, figure out what’s wrong and make concrete changes to fix it. Pay attention to your habits and what you naturally spend your time doing. Eliminate distractions and focus. This isn’t to say that you can’t occasionally take breaks and binge watch episodes of your favorites movies or shows(*cough*). However, maintaining a balance is healthy.

You build your future every day. It doesn’t just happen to you. You create it.

A full-time blogger didn’t just write one blog post to reach that level of success. A milestone can take years of dedication, smart investments, strategic thinking and planning.

Take a look at your life now. Have your actions brought you closer to your goals? Are you repeating mistakes and expecting to see different results? Focus on what you can control – your thoughts, your actions. I guarantee you the rest will fall into place.

So, what did you do today? Or better yet, what will you do tomorrow?

What if you had the courage to pursue the things you love? What’s holding you back from living your dreams?

Do Your Best With Little You’ve

Don’t spend your life wishing you had someone else’s. Don’t wish for a life like you see on TV. Don’t fantasize over homes you see in magazines. Don’t be convinced you’d be happier if you had more money. Don’t always spend your life wondering what could have been or what life could be like, just please do the best with what you have.

There will always be someone with more money, more power, bigger houses and better cars. There will always be someone who has more than you, but there will always be people who have less. You can’t live your life by constantly comparing your life to others; it won’t do you any good and will just leave you feeling disappointed in all you could have.

Instead of wondering, start living. Make the most of everything you have. Cherish your friendships, love your family, take pride in all you’ve accomplished.

What you plant now, will bloom later.

Pay attention to your life, stay humble and kind, and keep working hard for everything. Start working towards your best life. Start working towards what you love because once you start working hard for what you love, the rest will fall into place.

Living your best life is giving what you can right now – nothing more or nothing less. That’s all that matters.

I think the most important thing to remember is that you are only capable of what you can do. You can learn some things, but you can’t learn everything, so it is important to do what you can with what you have.

If you really want something you’ve never had you’ll have to put the extra time and work in to making it a reality. But all your problems really are is a chance for you to do better, they are a chance for you to succeed and believe in yourself that you can do it. If you have faith in yourself that you can move mountains, move them, and even if you fail while trying, you’ll surely still get a good work out in attempting.

Sometimes the top of the mountain isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes the hike up to the top is more worth it, the struggles and back tracking makes the journey more worthwhile and teaches you the best lessons.

You don’t have to jump through hops and win gold metals, I’m not asking you to become the person who finds a cure for cancer (but if you are that person, bless you and please share your knowledge) and I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not. All I’m asking is that you do the best with what you’ve got and you follow your passion in the right direction.

Just like Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Please, do the best you can with what you’ve got because I guarantee you’re capable of a hell of a lot more than you think, you just need to believe.

The Greatest Enemy!!!

The world has been thinking wrong. We think our greatest enemies are people from other tribes, religion, colours, nations; people who don’t support us, our competitors, or even our family members who are not doing as much as we are. And this thinking is responsible for the hate and negativity we spread.

On the contrary, our worst enemies are not outside but inside of us. Every human being harbours a traitor who is always on the watch to thwart his ambition, to cause failure for his efforts. That traitor is doubt.

You must realize that no matter who you are, or what you do, you will always be followed about by certain mental enemies, mental traitors, which will try to dissuade you from doing the best you can or achieving your dreams whatever they may be. Doubt is one of the most insistent of these.

I think of my life and how much more I would have achieved if I hadn’t doubted myself. While its easy to point out blame to others who didn’t support us, or who doubted our success, we often doubted ourselves first before others, who saw through us began confirming our doubts.

In my case I have always dreamed of inspiring people and helping overcome their setbacks to achieve personal success, yet I doubted if people would want to listen to me; I doubted if my personal experiences of failure and success were enough to share with others.

I compared myself with great speakers and teachers and I thought, I wasn’t in their mould, so I shrank.  It took me years to decide to write my first blog post and to start talking to people, and now I look back at just how much time I have wasted doubting myself.

I know that you too may be experiencing some self doubts; you may be thinking of the consequences, and asking the “what if” questions. What if I fail? What if I don’t get the money? What if no one reads? What if this or that happened?

If you find yourself thinking in that manner, I want you to remember that the person who is always fearful of consequences, who is in doubt as to the outcome of his actions, or whether he is really capable of doing what he undertakes, will always be a weakling. Do you want to be referred as weak despite your strengths?

If you want to accomplish anything worthwhile, if you want to see your dreams come true no matter what those dreams are, then you must become bigger and rise higher than your doubts. Because doubt is a subtle enemy that kills initiative and self-confidence. And without having initiative and confidence in yourself, you can never measure up to your possibilities.

So what do you think? Do you have what it takes?

A Thank You Letter To My Mom On Father’s Day

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Dear Mom,

To me, Father’s Day is not a day to only celebrate traditional dads. It is also a day to celebrate the dads that were there when others weren’t. In my life, that is you. Father’s Day is not for men who simply created life but for men who have nourished the life they created. Although he never did, you did. And you did it all by yourself.

Thank you for making me believe I am extraordinary. You raised me to believe I could achieve anything I wanted in life. He made me feel I wasn’t enough, but you taught me that I didn’t need anyone to make me feel I was enough – I am enough by myself. He depleted my self-worth but you let me know I was worth the sun and the moon and everything in between.

Thank you for filling the void he created. I may have that emptiness inside me that can’t be filled, but you made sure the rest of my heart was full of love. Each day that hole grows smaller with the love you have for me. My life has been full of joy because of you.

Thank you for being there when he wasn’t. Somehow between working full-time and raising kids on your own, you were there for everything that mattered.You were there to help me get ready for my prom. You were there to celebrate with me through triumphs. You let me know I was never alone. I may have longed for his pride in me but I didn’t need it because I always had you.

Thank you for loving me twice as much as you had to. Raising kids on your own is no easy task. I know at times you would get frustrated with me, but I never once doubted your love for me. You radiated love and acceptance toward me that compensated for the love I never had from him. Because of you I am not jaded. Because of you I see love and hope in this world full of people leaving me.

Most of all, thank you for being my dad when the real one couldn’t do the job. It wasn’t your job to do but you did it anyway and I will always be grateful to you for that.

With love to the moon and back,

Your son.

Everyone deserves that magic

You deserve to be the first thing someone things about in the morning. You deserve to feel completely and truly wanted.  You deserve someone to pull the umbrella  up to you when it’s pouring rain, even if that means they get soaked. You deserve someone who actually, truly and completely gives think of  you. Someone who returns your phone calls and answers your texts, not someone whose attention you have to repeatedly beg for.

You deserve someone who thinks about you, all the time. You deserve someone who cares about you enough to worry when they haven’t heard from you all day. You deserve someone you can count on and rely on when things get tough. You deserve someone to watch your favorite serries and movie shows with. You deserve someone who is committed to you. You deserve someone who genuinely cares how your day went.

You deserve someone who will whisper sweet words into your ear. You deserve someone who wants you in every way imaginable, who loves you unconditionally and is head over heels in love you with. You deserve to be the most important person in the world to someone. You deserve to be the person they couldn’t imagine living without.

Because everyone, and I mean everyone, deserves someone to keep them looking for tomorrow.

To keep them looking forward to better things and keep them excited about life. Everyone deserves that type of love and happiness. I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done, but you deserve to feel like you matter and you deserve to have someone give a shit about you.

Life is hard and life can surely tuff  sometimes, but it’s a hell of a lot better with someone you can count on by your side.

Love makes the world go round, love is the strongest force to reckon with and love is the most powerful weapon.

You deserve to be the most important person to someone because life isn’t meant to be tackled on your own. Life is meant to be filled with laughter and kindness, generosity and hope and a passion for others.

Everyone deserves to be someone’s yes, instead of someone’s maybe. Everyone deserves to be pursued and to feel wanted. Everyone deserves to be a priority, not always an option. Everyone deserves all this and more because life is meant to be shared with those you love and cherish.

There is no such thing as too much love. If you love someone tell them, they deserve it. They deserve to know how much you care about them and what you’re feeling. Even if you’ve told them a thousand times, tell them a thousand more because they deserve to hear it.

Everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves to feel important. Everyone deserves to feel like they matter. And everyone deserves to be the most important person to someone.