“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” ― Tom Robbins
It seems to me that everyone’s got a list of traits they demand from a lover. They want to be loved in a very specific way by a certain someone who has the exact set of qualities they want. But I suppose no one actually asks themselves if they deserve such a person. They don’t even ask themselves what are they going to do with such a person when they find them.
There’s no such thing as a perfect lover or perfect relationship. Nothing is perfect.
I think that there comes a moment when you see what’s underneath a person. You can see through all the masks they’ve put up along the time. And odds are that you won’t like what you see. A human. A flawed person. Contradictions, demons, phobias, and frustrations. Poison. Anger. Hate. Crushed dreams.
And once you see it all, you have a choice. You can never look the other way and pretend that you didn’t see anything. So you must decide to love that person. And that is the most difficult thing a person can ever do.
Because you’re the only one responsible for creating that love. It doesn’t even matter how the other person is, or how he or she acts. It all depends on you. How gentle you are, how kind, how forgiving. How supportive.
If you hold on, even when all you want to do is let go.
Relationships fail because people never get this part. They never shape their love. It just gets molded by all the lovers they had. Heartbreaks and disillusions change them and the way they love others. And even the way they show their love.
The feeling stays the same. It never changes. But how you act because of it does. Depending on how you are, how past relationships changed you, how you let all the other events in your life affect you.
We are never, ever our stories. We are what we chose to become after those stories happened to us.
So ask yourself. What does your love look like? Is it patient enough? Is it forgiving enough?
It might sound like a bunch of crap, but you might end up realizing that you loved someone an awful lot, but you never did what was right for them. You never tried to understand them, or show genuine support.
Because love is only a small part of what a relationship is all about. Love is the decision to make someone happy for the rest of their lives.
But there’s got to be respect, understanding, and confidence.
Most times, we do want to be understood. Far more than we want to be loved, because not being loved makes you bitter, while not being understood makes you feel lonely.
In the end, a relationship is just two people who know each other, who understand it each other, and who listen to each other.
To want anything more than that is to set yourself up for failure.