As You Wish Inconceivable

The day itself dawned painfully unexceptional for the unfortunate happenstance of Youth Nature’s folly. Still my friends honored our morning traditions in a way that tethered me to the simplest of joys and was a happy foreshadowing of countless thoughtful gestures of appreciation.

It was a beautiful day, a harmonious balance of sunshine and moderate temperatures until mid-afternoon when its started raining. It was a quiet day with simple pleasures and good company with the first ever birthday gift, thanks to “nani”. Still, if I tell the story of my gratitude I am conveniently excluding the complicated pieces of my truth that undermine the complexity of an internal uncertainty.

Perhaps it is better to draw only on the positive, to edit our narrative for our mistakes that we might be remembered for our best.

It’s always nice to have high expectations, to tell myself that the next year — hell, the next decade — is going to be the greatest time of my life. But I have to understand nothing actually changes when the calendar switches from.

The only thing that might change my mind-set. And, honestly, that’s all I needed.

If  continue to dwell on the past, to chase after hearts who are wrong for you, to allow myself to be walked over, to surround myself with the wrong people, to mope about how much I hate my life, next year  is going to be exactly the same as yesterday. Nothing is going to change. The next ten years are going to be exactly the same as the last few years.

It’s up to me to change the behaviors that aren’t happy with me, to dump the people who are bringing me down, to walk away from the situations that are causing me more stress than happiness, to reinvent myself and revolutionize my world.

It’s up to me to decide that I cannot keep living the way I’ve been living lately. It’s up to me to take risks when it comes to my career, my relationships, and my happiness. It’s up to me to say I deserve more than what I have been getting, I deserve more than what I have been telling myself all these years. 

It’s up to me to start exercising more, start studying more, start traveling more, start socializing more, start dreaming more, and start hoping more, start doing more of whatever it is I wish you’ve been doing all along.

It’s up to me to take a look at my surroundings and admit that I am not exactly happy. It’s up to me to figure out what needs to change, what I need to do in order to inject excitement back into my life again. It’s up to me to find happiness, love, satisfaction, faith, or whatever it is I feel like I’ve been lacking. It’s up to me to make my life feel like a blessing, not a punishment.

It’s up to me to make the next year the best decade of my life, because if I keep doing the same things I’ve been doing, then nothing is going to change on its own. Nothing is going to get better without my help. Nothing magical is going to happen as soon as the ball drops. There isn’t going to be a change in the air — but there might be a change within me.

I can never let myself forget I in charge of my own destiny. It’s up to ME to pave a path for myself and follow it toward my dreams. If I pour my effort, time, and energy into creating my ideal life, then the next decade is going to treat ME well. But if I continue to make the same mistakes as I’ve been making throughout this past year, then nothing is going to change. I have to be the change.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s