13 Reasons Why 


To many, Hannah Baker was just a fictional character first in a book then in a Netflix series that went viral. To many others who related, they saw Hannah Baker within themselves.
Many saw themselves walking beside her in the halls as whispers grew louder and couldn’t be silenced.
Other saw themselves in the relationships that went from best friends to looking at one another like strangers. And how having some good memories from the past can hurt.
Many saw themselves in loneliness when surrounded by so many. When you are in a sea of people yet you feel alone you just hope someone will understand.
Others saw themselves in the love story of being too afraid to say how you felt, out of fear the other person might not say it back. So silence broke hearts when words might have healed it. 
“I cost a girl her life because I was too afraid to love her.”
Many saw themselves in the rape scenes. Where fear and shock was very real to a point where you’re frozen just wanting it to stop. Then it does. And you change. And there is no way to undo what has happened to you, so you have to live with something you didn’t choose but was forced upon you. And it takes everything in you to not blame yourself.
Others saw themselves in how depressed Hannah was walking around trying to make sense of how complicated it is to feel things so deeply sometimes. Hiding behind a mask because it’s easier to pretend everything was okay, then admit you need help.
Many others and I think the hardest place people saw themselves was in the suicide. Whether you’ve attempted yourself or thought about it, the scene made me cringe. Not just because it was so graphic but because I know it’s so many people’s reality.

This is to you…

When suicide is the second leading cause of death for kids between the ages of 18-24, that’s more than a statistic. Those are lives that have been lost. Those are children, friends, students, peers. And way too many people who should still be here.
So to every person who isn’t a statistic…
I’m so proud of you.
I am so proud of you because I know how hard some days are.
I know how alone you feel.
I understand there’s this pain within you, you can’t shake.
I know you think ending your life is a solution. But it isn’t. All that happens when you end your pain is you pass along to someone else. Your death is something that happens to everyone else around you.

And I know you might feel empty or feel nothing at all. Maybe you have a plan already or a suicide note, written. When you know exactly how you are going to do it and when.
But I’m going to stop you there.
I’m going to ask you to stay because so many people need you here.
Because I know there is a little bit of hope left in you. I know you don’t want to end your life, you just want the pain you’re feeling to go away.
And I don’t know what is causing it for you, maybe it’s heartbreak or bullying or depression. Maybe you’re 17 too and you don’t see a future.
But these things you are feelings, these bad days you are having, are simply preparing you for all the good that has yet to come in your life.

Stay around to see those good days.

There are still so many people who have yet to meet you. So many lives you are going to change. Love stories that need you apart of them. Because as lost as you feel and as lonely as you feel, there is somebody looking for someone just like you. Do not deny them the chance of meeting you because you want to take your life.
I know, it kind of feels like you’re alone and no one understands. I know you might be stressed and overwhelmed, not just by school or work but about these heavy emotions consuming you and it’s taken a toll.
And you feel like a burden to people around you. You think their lives would be better if they didn’t have to worry about you so much. But they would rather worry than be weeping at your funeral blaming themselves for something they should have seen.
But people don’t see it. Because I know like Hannah, you’re really good at hiding how you feel. I know you’ve mastered the art of keeping your head down in silence when so many thoughts consume you, taking you to this dark negative place.
I know you feel both invisible and silent. Because you can’t even find the words to describe how you feel, you just know it’s not right.
I know how much it hurts. Even if you can’t describe what that “it” is. There’s a pain within your soul you can’t shake.

I’m going to tell you something you might not have heard in awhile you are so strong. The fact that you can feel these things so deeply and it can only be described as hell when your mind tries to drag you into darkness but you still find the light.
You become a light for others because you know what it’s like to be in that deep.
You weren’t here you simply end your life looking for the easy way out. Because nothing about that is easy. But you were here to prevent others from making a mistake that will cost them everything.
I need you to simply do one thing for me, get it tomorrow. And when you get there, get to the next day. And when you get there, get to the one after that. One day you are going to look back at this and realize how glad you are, things didn’t end when you wanted them to.
And when that day comes and you’re standing on your own two feet and those thoughts at night aren’t drowning you, the way I know they are right now, I want you to reach out to me and tell me you’ve made it.
Because I know you have the strength to get there.
A bad day is only 24 hours but the best day of your life could be tomorrow. 

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Time Changes Everyone

I’m happy with the way things turned out. I’m happy with the path that my life took, with all of the twists and turns that lead me to the place where I am today.

But, even though I’m thankful for the location where I’m living and the people that are surrounding me, I still miss the way things used to be.

I miss the friends that I’ve grown apart from over the years. I miss the family that has moved away and lost touch with me. I miss the days when I could carry around a carefree attitude instead of worrying about when I have to pay my next bill and what time I have to wake up for work.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with where I am. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I wouldn’t change any aspect of my life, even if I had the ability to do so.

One of the scariest, but most comforting things about life is that it’s forever changing. One moment we’re up, the next were down, and then suddenly we’re on the upswing again.

We don’t sit still. We’re never stuck. We won’t always feel this low. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you will be okay, because you will. I promise.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t miss the past. That I can’t relive the memories that mean the most to me.

In a perfect world, I could call up the friends that I miss and have a reunion with the family that I haven’t seen in years.

But the problem is that things change. I’m older now. I’m different now. Everyone around me is different, too. The people I remember from my memories aren’t the same people right now. They’re new, they’re fresh, they’re practical strangers.

Reconnecting with old friends might sound like the easy choice, but it isn’t always the right choice.

I can’t call up the exes I miss, because in my heart I know that we’re better off keeping our distance from each other. And I can’t go back to the job I miss, because I’ve outgrown it and am ready for bigger things.

I can’t just run back to the past when I’m feeling a little nostalgic, because I don’t belong there. I belong exactly where I am right now.

I’m already where I’m meant to be. I know I am. But I’m allowed to miss the past. I’m allowed to look back at old photographs and tell stories about how much fun my childhood friends were. I’m allowed to flip through yearbooks and social media stalk old crushes to see how they turned out.

I’m allowed to miss the past, but not want to go back to it. I’m allowed to think about how many amazing people I’ve met and places I’ve been, but be ready to move onto better things.

Sure, I miss the way things used to be and a part of me always will, a part of me will always love those old friends and cherish those old memories.

But, the truth is, I’m even happier now than I was back then. I’m an even better, stronger person than I ever was before. 

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and I also  do believe that every choice we have made in the past has put us where we currently are in life. I do not believe that we would have ever worked — no matter how many do-overs we could’ve gotten — but I do believe that we both learned something from our time together that will serve us well in the future. #TBT

Unrequited Love

I FEEL nothing. I think nothing. I get straight into my journey , not knowing exactly where I should go. No one is waiting for me at the end of the journey. Melancholy has become apathy. I need to drag myself onward

 I need to distract myself, to forget everything from before and concentrate on something different.

Dear God, of whom I think very little but in whom I trust in times of affliction, did I come here for granted?
SHOULD someone beg forgiveness for harboring an impossible Love? No, certainly not.

Because God’s Love for us is also impossible. It’s never requited at the time, and yet He continues to love us. He loved us so much that He sent His only son to explain how Love is the force that moves the sun and all the stars. In one of his letters to the Corinthians (which we were made to learn by heart at school), Paul says:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And we all know why. We often hear what seem to be great ideas to transform the world, but they are words spoken without feeling, empty of Love. However logical and intelligent they might be, they do not touch us.

Paul compares Love with Prophecy, with knowledge of the Mysteries, and with Faith and Charity.

Why is Love more important than Faith?

Because Faith is merely the road that leads us to the Greater Love.

Why is Love more important than Charity?

Because Charity is only one of the manifestations of Love. And the whole is always more important than the part. And Charity is also only one of the many roads that Love uses to bring man closer to his fellow man.

And we all know that there is a lot of Charity out there without Love. Every week, a “charity ball” is held. People pay a fortune to buy a table, take part, and have fun in their jewels and their expensive clothes. We leave thinking that the world is a better place because of the amount of money collected for the homeless, the refugees , or the starving . We stop feeling guilty about the cruel display of poverty, but we never ask ourselves where that money is going.

Those without the right contacts to go to a charity ball or those who can’t afford such extravagance will pass by a beggar and give him a coin. Fine. What could be easier than tossing a coin at a beggar in the street? It’s usually easier than not doing so.

What a sense of relief, and for just one coin! It’s cheap and solves the beggar’s problem.

However, if we really loved him, we would do a lot more for him.

Or we would do nothing. We wouldn’t give him that coin and—who knows?—our sense of guilt at such poverty might awaken real Love in us.

Paul then goes on to compare Love with sacrifice and martyrdom.

I understand his words better today. Even if I were the most successful man in the world, even if I were more admired and more desired than celebrities, it would be worth nothing if I had no Love in my heart. Nothing.

Whenever you ask artists or politicians, social workers or doctors, students or civil servants, I always ask: “What is your objective, your goal?” Some say: to start a family. Others say: to get on in my career. But when I probe deeper and ask again, the automatic response is: to make the world a better place.

I feel like going to the Nairobi streets with a manifesto printed in letters of gold and handing it to every passing person and car. On it will be written:

I ask all those who hope to one day work for the good of humanity: never forget that even if you deliver up your body to be burned, you gain nothing if you have not Love. Nothing!
There is nothing more important we can give than the Love reflected in our own lives. That is the one universal language that allows us to speak Chinese or the dialects of India. 
The message of Love is in the way I live my life, and not in my words or my deeds.
In the letter to the Corinthians, Paul tells us, in three short lines, that Love is made of many elements, like light. We learn at school that if we pick up a prism and allow a ray of light to pass through, that ray will divide into seven colors, those of the rainbow.

Paul shows us the rainbow of Love just as a prism reveals to us the rainbow of light.

And what are those elements? They are virtues we hear about every day and that we can practice in every moment.
Patience: Love is patient …

Kindness:… and kind.

Generosity: Love does not envy …

Humility:… or boast; it is not arrogant …

Courtesy:… or rude.

Unselfishness: It does not insist on its own way.

Good temper: It is not irritable … or resentful.

Guilelessness: or resentful.

Sincerity: It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.



All these gifts concern us, our daily lives, and today and tomorrow, not with Eternity.

The problem is that people tend to relate these traits to the Love of God, but how does God’s Love manifest itself? Through the Love of man.

To find Peace in the heavens, we must find love on Earth. Without it, we are worthless.

I love and no one can take that away from me. I love my parents, who always supports me. I think I also loved another lady, whom I met last year. And while I was walking toward her, one lovely afternoon, I dropped all my defenses and couldnt rebuild them. I become  vulnerable, but I don’t regret that.

This morning, when I was drinking a cup of coffee, I looked at the gentle light outside and remembered that walk, asking myself for the last time: Am I trying to create a real problem to drive away my imaginary ones? Am I really in love or have I simply transformed all the last year’s unpleasant feelings into a fantasy?

No. God would never be so unfair as to allow me to fall in love like that if there were not some possibility for that love being requited.

But sometimes Love demands that you fight for it. And that’s just what I will do. In the pursuit of justice, I have to ward off evil without exasperation or impatience. When she is long gone and am left with myself, I will thank me for the rest of my live.

Or  I will be left with the feeling that I fought as hard as I could.

I’m a new man. I am pursuing something that won’t come to me of its own free will.

I believes any false move might compromise issues.So what do I need to concentrate on? On undoing that without her realizing it.

I Still Care About You Deeply, This Is Why I Ask You Not To Close The Book

“You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)

We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen

You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)

So don’t let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever” – One Direction

You and I have an extensive history. We had great times. Me being the hopeless romantic I am, I am still the one who adores you. I go through my days thinking about you. I go through goals that I accomplish and I wish you could be there. I go through sleepless nights and thinking to myself, “What if she comes back? I know it won’t be tomorrow or next month, but eventually, what if She does?”
Well, what if you do? I would definitely be shocked, but even more grateful.  I would embrace you with open arms and an open heart. Right now, you turned the page – away from us. But please remember this page. You and I have memories, smiles, laughter, plans, goals and aspirations that YOU AND I made together. You and I – our stories – were popular with my friends.

You know I talked about you. How could I not? When you are so important to me, I could go on and on about you. You made me smile, laugh, you made me thrive. You were my reason to grow. I grew into the confident young guy.

Friends told me, “Oh, she is not worth it. Do not worry about it. she is missing out.” I disagree with PART of that.

You ARE worth it.

I worry about it. I worry day in and day out. You stood by me through hard times. But now, no one gets me like you do; no one compares to you. So yes, I worry.

I do agree, however, that YOU ARE missing out.

I cared about you. I loved you. I supported you. I was there for you through anything and everything. You are missing out on how much I care. I highly doubt you will find someone who cares for you more than I do.

I have plans of my own that will go with me to my grave. Will you know these plans? When the time is right, then yes, you will. You are you. You will always know what is up with me and my life. I cannot leave you behind, like you left me.
YES, I JUST SAID THAT. You left me. You gave up. And as I type this, I am crying tears flowing back . Saying that out loud is absolutely heartbreaking. Admitting to myself and coming to terms with the fact that you gave up . . . it is like a thousand needles piercing my heart.

See . . . I cannot give up on you. I refuse to give up. You know why?

Out of all my friends, ONE supports you and I. And it is he, who gives me that reminder to follow my heart. My heart says to hold onto our memories because they will one day flourish once again. My friend roots for you.He thinks we would go perfect together. He was like, “Don’t give up. I can see you two together. I support you two.” HE SUPPORTS US. HE ROOTS FOR US. I swear he got the chills when I told him about “us”.
I CARE ABOUT YOU. Always have, always will. I believe in you and I. That is why I ask you to not close the book. Do not close it, simply bookmark it. You know I will always be here.
“Please don’t tell me

It’s the end of the story

Don’t close the book on me

Oh don’t you close the book on me

We’ve gone our separate ways

We’ll meet up on another page

Don’t close the book on me

Oh don’t you close the book on me

You bookmark this page

In time you will see

If you have no to turn

You can turn back to me

You can turn back to me

Turn back to me” – Honor Society
You and I were C-Squared. THAT is what I hold onto. So go live your life, please do. I will live mine. But NO ONE can ever take YOUR place. So, when I am still single, if and when you turn back to our page, then do not be surprised. I will live my life. I will go after my dreams, my goals, and my ambitions. And if and when you come back, then I will happily welcome you with open arms, an open heart . . . and open doors to our empire. 

WHEN YOU TRULY LIKE SOMEONE

When you truly like someone, they might not know you do. At least not vocally. Not so soon yet. Because you’re not going to throw your words around like it doesn’t mean a thing. It does mean a lot to you and that’s why you want it to mean everything when you can say it to that someone face to face, knowing you’re capable of taking responsibility for your own words and you’re in a place to deliver the promises those words entail. In the meantime, you will make sure your feelings for them, without asking for anything in return, will only add positivity to their life like the positivity they’ve added to yours.

When you truly want someone, it’s not something you can just easily switch on and off. Of course you can lie to yourself however you want but every time you meet their eyes, this rush of joy spreading all over your body, making you feel alive and your plain world turn into full color, doesn’t. It’s clear that you have failed miserably. And you don’t even want to try and deny it any more. Because without that person and without this unanticipated power they have over your heart for no particular reason, you would never ever realize what truly liking someone is not. As you recall all the times you thought you were feeling, it turns out that you were really just lonely, horny, seeking troubles, involving yourself with all the people you had no genuine interest in.

When you truly want someone, at times you can and will be selfish. You will want them all for yourself and you will be envious of anyone that has ever had a piece of them. You might even seem aloof and act carelessly, not showing a single sign that your body is electrified by their slightest touch but it doesn’t mean it’s not true. You do that because it can get too much and if you must be honest, you’re scared. You’re scared of your own feelings, of what if it knows no limit and of losing them one day and ruining the little something right now between you two. But because you truly like that person, you will not let fear hold you back. You will not stop being there for them when they need you the most because sincerity is what your heart is about.

And so, when you truly like someone, you’re serious about it. Not the kind of half-arsed waiting for universe signs to decide what you’re going to do. Or telling them for whatever reason you’re unable to be with them right now. No. You will be committed to your feelings. You will do your best. You will try all what’s in your power to make them happy even if it means not having your feelings reciprocated. Although it’s true that such desire to have your feelings reciprocated is inevitable, your liking them doesn’t begin or end there. When you truly like someone, you like them for the person they are. You like them for the rawness and realness when they’re with you. You’re grateful for their ever being born into this world and crossing your path, for being a spark in your dark days and teaching you so much about life and love.

Truly liking someone might mean different things to different people but you’re sure they will agree with you that it’s a damn good teacher. It teaches you to be patient, tolerant, and go beyond yourself. It teaches you that if you want to like someone and care for them, you need to like yourself and care for yourself first. More importantly, you need to trust that they are capable of liking and caring for themselves too and let they do so in their own time. You also need to believe that they deserve happiness and the personal choices they make. That’s how you will gain the strength to keep on going, to find your own happiness, to have a place for them in your heart without bitterness or pain no matter what answer they will have for you.

You know you truly like someone when that person, and only that person, is the first word and also this last one…

Being Single Vs. Being Married

No matter what situation you’re in, you may find yourself wondering is the grass greener on the other side? There’s one simple answer when contemplating about being single versus being married, but let’s take a look at why people find themselves asking this question.

The single life can be very sexy and wild. Different dates with various people every weekend, nights out with friends, and dancing at bars are what make singles enjoy the life they live. The freedom, independence, and ability to explore opportunities that life brings are the best perks. It is these perks that lure some married people into believing they are missing out. They see the one night stands, the beautiful women and men, and think about the thought of not having to be responsible for the family at home. With those thoughts, joy kicks in. But those same perks that entice married people are the ones that get old for the singles, which leads into the marriage life.

The marriage life offers love and commitment. Spending everyday with your true love, planning family trips, and feeling trust and security are what marriages are about and what singles yearn for. Having the consistency and knowing you don’t have to search for love anymore is pure bliss. This becomes boredom for some married couples, but it is living the good life for singles.

It is because of those perks mentioned above for singles and married that people wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. No one thinks about the singles who have heartbreaks, have unwanted pregnancies, and are lonely. If couples saw that side, they would be happy being married. On the other side, if singles saw the married men or women who had been cheated on, experienced divorce, or was married and still felt alone, they would enjoy being single. So here is the answer.

The answer is things are not greener on the other side. Being single and being married offer the good and bad. You have to make the best out of which side you are on. If you are single, live it up but be safe. If you are married, enjoy your spouse for what he/she is worth and do things so the relationship won’t become dull. You are in charge of how spontaneous, fun, and lively your life is. Now it’s time to do something about it.

Perfection

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” ― Tom Robbins

It seems to me that everyone’s got a list of traits they demand from a lover. They want to be loved in a very specific way by a certain someone who has the exact set of qualities they want. But I suppose no one actually asks themselves if they deserve such a person. They don’t even ask themselves what are they going to do with such a person when they find them.

There’s no such thing as a perfect lover or perfect relationship. Nothing is perfect.

I think that there comes a moment when you see what’s underneath a person. You can see through all the masks they’ve put up along the time. And odds are that you won’t like what you see. A human. A flawed person. Contradictions, demons, phobias, and frustrations. Poison. Anger. Hate. Crushed dreams.

And once you see it all, you have a choice. You can never look the other way and pretend that you didn’t see anything. So you must decide to love that person. And that is the most difficult thing a person can ever do.

Because you’re the only one responsible for creating that love. It doesn’t even matter how the other person is, or how he or she acts. It all depends on you. How gentle you are, how kind, how forgiving. How supportive.

If you hold on, even when all you want to do is let go.

Relationships fail because people never get this part. They never shape their love. It just gets molded by all the lovers they had. Heartbreaks and disillusions change them and the way they love others. And even the way they show their love.

The feeling stays the same. It never changes. But how you act because of it does. Depending on how you are, how past relationships changed you, how you let all the other events in your life affect you.

We are never, ever our stories. We are what we chose to become after those stories happened to us.

So ask yourself. What does your love look like? Is it patient enough? Is it forgiving enough?

It might sound like a bunch of crap, but you might end up realizing that you loved someone an awful lot, but you never did what was right for them. You never tried to understand them, or show genuine support.

Because love is only a small part of what a relationship is all about. Love is the decision to make someone happy for the rest of their lives.

But there’s got to be respect, understanding, and confidence.

Most times, we do want to be understood. Far more than we want to be loved, because not being loved makes you bitter, while not being understood makes you feel lonely.

In the end, a relationship is just two people who know each other, who understand it each other, and who listen to each other.

To want anything more than that is to set yourself up for failure.