​Know Your Worth And Always Believe


I’m feeling inspired to write a post today as the cold is slowly trickling in this part of the Rift Valley . Since the December is fast approaching, I think it’s important we take the time to reflect on our selves, on our year, our accomplishments as well as our challenges, as we look towards 2018.

I think sometimes we get caught up in the fast life where we’re constantly being pressured to perform better, compete with others and trying to live up to impossible expectations. Sometimes we forget about the things that make us happy, the passion and pure love we have for them because we unfortunately live in a society where greed, criticism and hatred thrives. It’s that vicious cycle of low self-esteem, lack of motivation and inspiration, self-doubt and failures. Sometimes it feels like it’s impossible to even see any success out of constant set backs and so what a lot of us do, is we run. We quit because we can’t handle the pressure. We think quiting is the only option.

But… what if I told you that quitting isn’t the only option? What if I told you that perverseness and hard-work can get you anywhere you dream and you’ll one day be truly happy? Would you believe me?

The thing about that is it’s also a quite naive idea because nothing in life comes easy. Nothing in life is ever linear. We’re trained and educated to think linearly. But that’s not reality.

In truth our lives and the world we live in is so nonlinear it sometimes feel we’re being thrown in different directions.

The past  year of my life have definitely been the hardest but my outlook on life has completely changed, and for the better.

 I’ve met and heard stories from people alike and people different all with different perspectives, experiences and ideas. But what made every single story and person so empowering was the idea that in spite of tragedy, loss or hardship, the power of the human spirit and the inner strength and resilience that can be built amazed me. I no longer looked at myself as a lost cause. As someone not worthy of love or happiness. Grief didn’t define or control my life. I didn’t have to be ashamed of who I am.

 I was going through growing up and experiencing so many new and overwhelming things for the first time in my life and that  made me very fragile and vulnerable. I struggled with wanting so bad to be normal but trying to grasp that this was reality and the hard challenge of coping with this .

And trust me it hasn’t been easy and I know that I still have so much more to discover and grasp about my loss. But I got a whole lifetime and heck if I learned this much in a year I wonder where I’ll be 10 years from now?  And yes, if you haven’t noticed already I am a dreamer. I am a hopeful and very cliche person but all that I’m sharing is from experience.

And finally, I simply just want to live. Live ,to finished school, follow my dreams and be apart of change in the world. I want anyone out there who may be struggling, I want you to know that you have a purpose. There is only one of you and your uniqueness is what makes you beautiful. You don’t have to conform to society’s social norms and stereotypical boxes. You don’t have to feel pressured be like anyone else or live up to any standards. You set the standard and the goal for yourself. You know your ability and limitations and don’t ever let anything hold you back.

Lastly, remember your story and your voice matters. I’ll leave you with this question: Now, what would your story be?

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An Apology Letter to the Passage of Time.


I spent so long hating you. So long entwined with the idea that you were running at a pace three steps too fast, laughing at me as I buckled over in a desperate attempt to catch my breath. I resented the way I couldn’t control you, the way your busy hands outreached mine and changed everything I wanted so deeply to remain the same. I was infuriated by the way the past always seemed so much prettier, but you never stopped stealing it. It tore me up to know that there are places in life I would already have been to for the last time.

You were kind of like that word that everybody else knew the meaning of but me. One I waited too long to ask about, so eventually I just began to play along. Like it’s a game of broken telephone and I was the last one in line, my message got mixed and I’ve been looking at you differently than the rest of the world ever since.

I goggled your name in a sea of others and regardless of what the dictionary spit out all I heard was that the happiness that belongs to today will soon belong to yesterday, and to be honest that broke my heart.

Yet everyone else seemed to flow with you. People kept looking forward to milestones as if they could afford to shake off the day that clutched desperately onto my pant leg. “I can’t wait until December, I wish we could just fast forward” as if the space that stood between now and then was nothing but sand stumbling through clumsy fingers, emptying hourglasses like they could be flipped over and restarted.

I always thought of myself as an optimistic person, but damn you shook me. No matter what angle I analyzed, you were still just the lingering shadow in the rear view mirror that I was trying to outrun. The truth is, I never even wanted to get along with you.

As I got older, things started happening. Big, terrible, heartbreaking things, but you and your one track mind just kept on passing. I saw pieces of people around me’s worlds being torn apart but you still didn’t slow down, not for a second. I watched as you threw loved ones off your cargo as if someone’s son was disposable or like some fathers simply didn’t need a tomorrow. The world kept on turning and you just kept on moving blindly like nothing happened. I decided then that nothing wholesome would ever refuse to pause for the broken, and that you in all your disregard were a force to be feared.
So I’d sit down at night and pray to  God like I didn’t know  I believed in, like He could protect me from your greedy hands. I’d pray I could be like the children or the animals that had no concept of your passing, they seemed so free from your grip.

But somehow, something changed.

I was told once that butterflies only lived a few weeks. I never understood why they didn’t seem to care that they were cheaped out of time. I wondered if maybe you seemed to pass slower for them out of sympathy, or if they looked the way they did because they had to try to pack all of the beauty of life into a matter of days. I wondered if I knew I only had twelve days left, how beautiful my life would be.

Then I took a second look and realized I didn’t recognize you anymore. You didn’t look harsh or forceful, of all things…you started seeming kind.

See I’d been blaming you for the very thing I should have been thanking you for. And it’s ironic that time had to pass for me to see the value in passing time, but overnight you became the most valuable thing I’d ever claimed.

I started opening my eyes a little more. I started noticing things that I’d kept overlooking in my pursuit to preserve you. I found the truth in ‘time is money’, but instead of saving you, I cashed out and started spending.
And I spent exactly what I wanted, where I wanted it. I spent more of you with my family, the people who built me. I spent more of you on myself, on all the things I forgot I loved. I spent more of you on taking risks, on things that threatened the fact you’d still keep coming back. I discovered that although I couldn’t control you, I could control everything I filled you with.
The truth is, I needed you.

I needed you for when I discovered my passion for  music and writing and that all of those things couldn’t be done without you.

I needed you for when I realized what love is, when I  told  a girl that I’d rather waste my time doing nothing with her than doing something with anybody else.

I needed you for when things got dark and I felt lost, I needed you to keep pushing forward so I could find my fresh start.
I needed you for when I moved across the world, for when I almost turned around until I remembered how much of you I’d invested to get here.

I needed you for when I sat around a table with my best friends singing songs we used to love when we were 13, and I needed you to realize everything is different- but everything is good. I understand that all the happiness and sadness, the loneliness and excitement of passing time have become packed inside of us – and they make us who we are. I realize now, I was never losing, I was building.
I am a sum of you and all of our shared yesterdays.

So thank you for pressing on. Thank you for setting the sun on my rough days and rising on my good. Thank you for the clean slates and the heartbreaks, the healed wounds and the promising plans. Thank you for giving me more of yourself than I probably deserve. Thank you letting me live more at 21 than some people do at 81. Thank you for being patient enough to wait until I fell in love with you.

I apologize in advance for the future. I’ll probably curse you again someday when I have kids and they start growing up with every blink. I’ll wish more than anything you would slow down and let me take it all in. When I grow old and end comes to end I’ll feel greedy and long for more, but know now that I forgive you for the day the sun rises without me, because of all the beautiful days you let me wake up with it.

Please accept this apology with pride and know that I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your time.

A Breakup Letter To Game Of Thrones

So here we are again. It’s July, and suddenly you want me back. It’s the same way every year, and every time since 2012 I’ve acquiesced despite the fact that I know very well that our relationship will just entail an emotional rollercoaster for ten weeks before being forced to wait almost a whole year for the same thing to happen all over again.

I remember the first time we met. You had me hooked from the first episode and I had so many questions on the tip of my tongue that I needed answering. Would Bran survive the fall? How would the bromance between Jon Snow and Robb Stark play out? And just who is related to whom?

We had some good times, and some rough patches. Any scene with Brienne of Tarth was an absolute joy to watch, and so was anything witty that came out of Tyrion’s mouth. It took me a while to recover from the way you hurt me with the Red Wedding, but the year after I still came back for you, ready and waiting for whatever season four,five and six would dish up.

We had a good run, but I’m sorry to say that it’s over. I know you don’t want it to be, I can see you trying to get me back with little teasers about Jon coming back to life, trying to get me to feel the same burning desire to find out what happens that I felt after the first episode. This year, it’s just not working. I’m tired. Tired of trying to keep up with all of the characters’ names and the new countries that are being introduced every second week. Tired of changing my behaviour to actively avoid all of the spoilers that the Internet has to offer. Tired of arguing about fan theories with overly belligerent friends.

I came to this realisation just recently, so close to your seventh season premiere. After months of paying close attention to debates about Jon Snow’s fate I realised…I didn’t care. And in a weird way I’m free. Free from the anxiety of being too emotionally invested in the lives of the Starks. Free from having to sit through an hour of superfluous nudity every week. Free from computer viruses that come with trying to torrent the episodes as soon as possible to narrow the spoiler window.

I know that this won’t hurt you too much, and that you can take solace in your millions of other fans and your Emmys and critical acclaim. But after all of the energy that I invest in you, I’m sick of being left hanging. I can see now that you never loved me back. All this time, it was only ever about the shock value. And it is exhausting. And that’s why, Game of Thrones, I’m officially breaking up with you. 

Being Comfortable With Uncertainty

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, Infinite Possibilities open up in your life.” – Eckhart Tolle
“If you want to know your past – look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future – look into your present actions,” states the Chinese Proverb.
Reality is filled with uncertainty. 
Seldom do we have an exact picture of the path ahead, so we accept what arises with determined courage.
It is natural to uphold a level of control, yet we need uncertainty to prevail since the seeds of opportunity lie in the unexpected.
At a deeper level, we fear uncertainty because we lack the life skills to navigate through it. Recognised as the mind’s negativity bias, we doubt our capacity to cope with the unexpected and exaggerate events to the detriment of our mental and emotional wellbeing.
With so much talk of stress these days, we need to know what the imminent future holds in store for us. Yet the security we crave for is but an illusion to lull us into a false sense of safety. 
Author David Rock states in Your Brain at Work, “The brain craves certainty. A sense of uncertainty about the future and feeling out of control both generate strong limbic system responses.”
As a result your brain looks to your external environment to reinforce a known sense of balance. In primitive times our ancestors had to contend with a variety of conditions to sustain life. The threat of wild animals, adjusting to climatic conditions, fear of attack from rival tribes and the outbreak of disease, were barriers to their survival.
Thankfully, life in the modern world is not as bleak, yet modern life is replete with its own stressors which pose a hazard to our wellbeing. Uncertainty for the modern man is contained within: intimate relationships, volatile economies, uncertain job security, weather fluctuations and health concerns.
Bruce Hood affirms in his book The Self Illusion, “…in situations where outcomes are important, we get stressed by uncertainty and feel the need to do something so that we can have the illusion that we can control events.”
To retain binding command of our lives is both a blessing and curse. In one way it affirms our sense of safety, knowing we need not contend with tentative conditions. On the other hand, its misleading bias is overstated by our limited control, if any.
It is no surprise that the mind is notorious for emphasising circumstances which appear less dramatic than they are. Known in psychology as catastrophizing, the inherent bias to perceive events within a negative context.
The fear of “not knowing” what lies ahead impedes our long term welfare. At a deeper level, fear of the future terrifies us because of the unfamiliar conditions which lie ahead. It interferes with attaining emotional freedom.
“Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.” – Dan Millman
So how can we embrace the unexpected without the barrage of emotions which ensue?
To accept uncertainty in our lives requires a change in perspective. We yield to the intrinsic forces of life instead of oppose them. However uncomfortable it may seem, we surrender to the natural order of events by leaning in to our fears and insecurities.
You reason with your anxieties by perceiving them with a logical mind instead of becoming embroiled in them. Otherwise, we risk activating our fight or flight nervous system every time, which senses we are in imminent danger instead of being uncomfortable.
Remain present in your body when anxiety threatens your emotional wellbeing. Choose a proper time to examine the motivation for your anxiety. 
Have there been moments in the past which caused similar anxiety? 
If so, are you repeating those same feelings instead of facing them?
Fear is a confronting emotion, though we gain strength when we embrace it as a useful emotion. I often remind myself that fear is an illusion. I can reduce the volume of fear by being exposed to it moderately each time.
We rarely have all the answers, which means uncertainty is as much an inner declaration that everything will turn out well in due course. It strengthens our resolve and commitment to the natural cycles of life. Change in itself is terrifying, not the conditions themselves.
The key lesson is to be comfortable with uncertainty – why? Because it exists and we should avoid retreating in resignation wishing life were different. 
We evolve by being exposed to uncertainty and confronting our fears, otherwise they dominate our mental landscape and grow in intensity. To that extreme that which we oppose must be met head on. 
It was the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who declared, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Find middle ground between living with uncertainty and maintaining a level of control, short of manipulating outcomes. Let go of tension, anxiety and fear by embracing the unknown. Consider uncertainty a worthwhile journey toward a daring future. 
Uncertainty allows us to re-evaluate the past and make new choices in light of what transpires. It presents opportunities to create a compelling future based on new information.

Its my birthday today.

If I am honest, if I am willing to stand in my own truths and claim the sharp corners of my flaws, I must admit I expected this milestone to deliver a certain knowing. There was an unspoken expectation.
It is a beautiful day, a harmonious balance of humid and moderate temperatures. It is a quiet day with simple pleasures and good company. Still, if I tell the story of my gratitude I am conveniently excluding the complicated pieces of my truth that undermine the complexity of an internal uncertainty.

The day when we remembers our birth. A day special to every one. I am not saying my birthday a Happy Birthday, and there’s reason for it. So, whats a day in my Life, today is only different from normal day. Remembering the Almighty, the supreme power above all, a new day starts.The day itself dawned painfully unexceptional for the unfortunate happenstance of Youth Nature’s folly. Still my friends honored our morning traditions in a way that tethered me to the simplest of joys and was a happy foreshadowing of countless thoughtful gestures of appreciation. In the morning, we exchange the wishes within the family, then the immediate family comes with their wishes, no fancy or high gifts, no show-off to anyone, plain wishes, the traditional ways.

Still those closest to me loved me stubbornly and generously, thoughtfully and gently. It is perhaps the most extravagant gift of all, to be so unconditionally loved for out best in spite of our worst.I couldn’t control my tears. This  was full of Love. I felt little and shallow. This is a such day, will never ever forget, when I close my eyes, first thing comes to me is that I am so PRIVILEGED and in the mean time so poor too. I call that I have a Life, I have facilities that are world-class, I have a status quo, I have proficiency over things, my hands and mind is working fine, but whats the use of such Life, if it’s of no use if it does not uplift the others. It’s like you have a pen and paper, but your words…. Many a times it happens that something happens to us and we try to avoid it, but never try to think from another way around. We follow routine and we miss beauty. I have a plan for this. A dream Plan. A Life that celebrates itself.

I’m still thinking on what I might wish for as I count my blessings, grateful for the love of those who let me stumble.

Select a path,
follow by Heart,
Dream and Conquer,
A life is less for one,
Spark the Lamps of Smile,
A dream that world rejoices;
Shaped by Love,
A messenger of Hope.I

Save sex for later, guys.

Girls risk judgement if they indulge in casual sex. But boys don’t run that risk: they’re expected to run around. Boys just risk the outcome of their own.TrueLovWaits

Double standards 

The world is a strange place. It is perfectly alright, even encouraged, for a young lady to save herself for marriage. Sex before a committed relationship for her could lead to all sorts of judgement and name calling.

But a quick shift over to the guys… and you draw a blank. It has never been stated or expected that men should stay chaste as they await a committed relationship with a woman. A few of you have just read that statement and laughed in your heads, right? Thing is, why shouldn’t guys wait?

Who to turn to?

First we need to understand that when it comes to sex, there’s little to no guidance for young men. Everyone assumes that because you’re a guy, you know what to do. Wrong! Now couple this with the fact that because sex is such a sensitive topic, guys don’t know who to turn to. Your parents? They’re too scared to talk about it. Your relatives? They probably run and tell your parents that you’re having sex.

And your friends? Ha! They’ll just laugh that you’re not having sex in the first place, loser.

Quicksand

So without much to go on, and so much external pressure, guys start having sex. They risk exposing themselves to all manner of diseases because they don’t know how to be safe. Now factor in that if women have sex outside of a relationship, they are frowned upon from here to land’s end.

So you get into a relationship with a girl you don’t really like because of sex. One month turns into one year, one year into five. You swear that you’ll end it with her, and then boom! She’s pregnant. You marry her because you feel obliged to. You’ve let yourself slip so far into a messy situation, all because of sex, that you can’t get out.

Habits die hard

Again, consider this. You’ve been sexually active from when you were 21 (don’t laugh! Just roll with me here). When you turn 30, you’ll probably think “Hey! You know what? I want to find a nice girl and settle down.” Good for you! So you do just that, and you’re out of the game right?

Not exactly… Nine years of your life have consisted of chasing women, getting them to sleep with you, ignoring their calls and messages once you’ve slept with them, and breaking it off when they confront you about why you don’t like them back. You formed a habit. By the time you want to settle down, your mind will be so attuned to this process that even though you want to stay faithful to your wife/fiancée, force of habit will have you chasing and sleeping with other women.

Pumping the breaks

We live in a time where sex has become one of the easiest things to have. While women have struggled with it forever, I’ll wager that men are struggling even more. This is because inasmuch as we are clueless, pride keeps us from seeking help. It’s time, gents, to pump your brakes and drive slow.

This article was originally published on our sister site Love Matters.

I Don’t Think People Give Youths Enough Credit These Days

Teenagers don’t get enough credit these days. There I said it. And you don’t have to take my word for it. Especially considering how well my age fits in the range that I am lobbying for but please spare me a few minutes and hear me out.

I’m sure you’ve come across a post like this at one point in your life whether its around finals time and youths have publicized their insane exam schedule or just another post complaining about the constant choice between social life, academics and sleep. You probably scoffed at our incompetence and made a remark similar to, “when I was your age…” But no, that’s not the point. This isn’t a game of who had a harder childhood, this is a cry for help, a cry for reform. Because maybe you did have a harder childhood and you had your chance at making a change but you didn’t. So it’s our turn now, and please, spare us a few minutes and hear us out.

Youths, no matter in which generation, are stuck in a position filled with misunderstanding and miscommunication. We’ve passed the age where it’s ok to throw tantrums when we don’t get our wish fulfilled or cry over disappointment and pain, whether it be physical or emotional. We’ve reached an age where adults demand “maturity” from us and apparently, maturity is synonymous with robotic because we are expected to make completely rational decisions devoid of all emotional attachments. Words such as responsibility, independence are thrown at us but when we try to live up to these glorified characteristics, we are deemed as rebellious and impulsive.

We try to make a difference in the world and stand up for our beliefs only to be laughed at by parents and older siblings. “You’re too young.” “What do you know?” These phrases are hurled at us as if they weren’t lecturing us about chasing after our dreams and taking responsibility for our own actions a minute ago. They mock us when we tell them that we love someone because how could you be in love at seventeen. You can’t possibly understand something as complicated as love and be able to navigate a word with as many implications attached as love. But so what if we don’t understand what love is. Is that not the point of being a teenager? So we can mess up and try again? So we can fail and weep and stand up taller and stronger than before?

No. You are expected to choose an university program to attend that will ultimately lead you on a path to success, but here’s the catch, only if you listen to my advice. Yes, I agree, it is completely 100% your life to live. No you don’t get to decide your life. Because I am an adult, I have breathed more air and digested more food than you therefore my decision about your future will always be more correct than yours. You can travel when you have your own savings. You can save the environment when you are financially stable. You can start your own fashion line when you have mothered two kids and they are 18 and you are 50 and no longer remember your designs at 17. Take the safe road. I am your mother. I am your father. We only want what’s best for you.

I know you do. But please, spare me a few minutes and hear me out. I want you to trust me to make my own mistakes and learn from it. I want you to remember how it felt like sixteen years ago when you let go and I stood up and after falling a few times I began walking, then running, then jumping and the absolute joy that you felt because my laughter was infectious. The room reeked of delight because for the first time in my life I accomplished something on my own and I was genuinely, 100% happy.

Sure, I may not succeed the first time but like the bedtimes stories you’ve been reading to me since I was three, neither did Thomas Edison. Neither did anyone who left a legacy so please, trust me and let me leave my own legacy.

Never once has there been so many temptation within our reach, so much information available to us at the click of a button. It’s the digital age. A time where we could find out the income tax of Romania in the matter of minutes or the engagement of that one ex. A time of possibilities. So please, trust us in exploiting these opportunities. Trust that we are not a generation that only cares about the number of followers on instagram or the number of retweets we get on a super relatable tweet. We are more than that, I promise you. At least we try to be.

But it’s hard. It’s hard to care about intelligence and inner peace when the entire school seems be obsessed with who’s best dressed and who’s fucking who. It’s hard to care more about learning rather than marks when universities that we are pressured to attend are searching for that 98% average valedictorian applicant. When we seem to be defined by numbers that show up on report cards and scales rather than meaningful friendships and fulfilled dreams. When we seem to be defined by words that are whispered as gossip rather than compliments given to brighten another’s day. It’s hard to be a Youth.

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