Unrequited Love

I FEEL nothing. I think nothing. I get straight into my journey , not knowing exactly where I should go. No one is waiting for me at the end of the journey. Melancholy has become apathy. I need to drag myself onward

 I need to distract myself, to forget everything from before and concentrate on something different.

Dear God, of whom I think very little but in whom I trust in times of affliction, did I come here for granted?
SHOULD someone beg forgiveness for harboring an impossible Love? No, certainly not.

Because God’s Love for us is also impossible. It’s never requited at the time, and yet He continues to love us. He loved us so much that He sent His only son to explain how Love is the force that moves the sun and all the stars. In one of his letters to the Corinthians (which we were made to learn by heart at school), Paul says:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And we all know why. We often hear what seem to be great ideas to transform the world, but they are words spoken without feeling, empty of Love. However logical and intelligent they might be, they do not touch us.

Paul compares Love with Prophecy, with knowledge of the Mysteries, and with Faith and Charity.

Why is Love more important than Faith?

Because Faith is merely the road that leads us to the Greater Love.

Why is Love more important than Charity?

Because Charity is only one of the manifestations of Love. And the whole is always more important than the part. And Charity is also only one of the many roads that Love uses to bring man closer to his fellow man.

And we all know that there is a lot of Charity out there without Love. Every week, a “charity ball” is held. People pay a fortune to buy a table, take part, and have fun in their jewels and their expensive clothes. We leave thinking that the world is a better place because of the amount of money collected for the homeless, the refugees , or the starving . We stop feeling guilty about the cruel display of poverty, but we never ask ourselves where that money is going.

Those without the right contacts to go to a charity ball or those who can’t afford such extravagance will pass by a beggar and give him a coin. Fine. What could be easier than tossing a coin at a beggar in the street? It’s usually easier than not doing so.

What a sense of relief, and for just one coin! It’s cheap and solves the beggar’s problem.

However, if we really loved him, we would do a lot more for him.

Or we would do nothing. We wouldn’t give him that coin and—who knows?—our sense of guilt at such poverty might awaken real Love in us.

Paul then goes on to compare Love with sacrifice and martyrdom.

I understand his words better today. Even if I were the most successful man in the world, even if I were more admired and more desired than celebrities, it would be worth nothing if I had no Love in my heart. Nothing.

Whenever you ask artists or politicians, social workers or doctors, students or civil servants, I always ask: “What is your objective, your goal?” Some say: to start a family. Others say: to get on in my career. But when I probe deeper and ask again, the automatic response is: to make the world a better place.

I feel like going to the Nairobi streets with a manifesto printed in letters of gold and handing it to every passing person and car. On it will be written:

I ask all those who hope to one day work for the good of humanity: never forget that even if you deliver up your body to be burned, you gain nothing if you have not Love. Nothing!
There is nothing more important we can give than the Love reflected in our own lives. That is the one universal language that allows us to speak Chinese or the dialects of India. 
The message of Love is in the way I live my life, and not in my words or my deeds.
In the letter to the Corinthians, Paul tells us, in three short lines, that Love is made of many elements, like light. We learn at school that if we pick up a prism and allow a ray of light to pass through, that ray will divide into seven colors, those of the rainbow.

Paul shows us the rainbow of Love just as a prism reveals to us the rainbow of light.

And what are those elements? They are virtues we hear about every day and that we can practice in every moment.
Patience: Love is patient …

Kindness:… and kind.

Generosity: Love does not envy …

Humility:… or boast; it is not arrogant …

Courtesy:… or rude.

Unselfishness: It does not insist on its own way.

Good temper: It is not irritable … or resentful.

Guilelessness: or resentful.

Sincerity: It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.



All these gifts concern us, our daily lives, and today and tomorrow, not with Eternity.

The problem is that people tend to relate these traits to the Love of God, but how does God’s Love manifest itself? Through the Love of man.

To find Peace in the heavens, we must find love on Earth. Without it, we are worthless.

I love and no one can take that away from me. I love my parents, who always supports me. I think I also loved another lady, whom I met last year. And while I was walking toward her, one lovely afternoon, I dropped all my defenses and couldnt rebuild them. I become  vulnerable, but I don’t regret that.

This morning, when I was drinking a cup of coffee, I looked at the gentle light outside and remembered that walk, asking myself for the last time: Am I trying to create a real problem to drive away my imaginary ones? Am I really in love or have I simply transformed all the last year’s unpleasant feelings into a fantasy?

No. God would never be so unfair as to allow me to fall in love like that if there were not some possibility for that love being requited.

But sometimes Love demands that you fight for it. And that’s just what I will do. In the pursuit of justice, I have to ward off evil without exasperation or impatience. When she is long gone and am left with myself, I will thank me for the rest of my live.

Or  I will be left with the feeling that I fought as hard as I could.

I’m a new man. I am pursuing something that won’t come to me of its own free will.

I believes any false move might compromise issues.So what do I need to concentrate on? On undoing that without her realizing it.

A Love Letter To The Non-Believer

Dear You,
I know what you’re thinking. I know you already have your guard up, your metaphorical blanket wrapped tight around your shoulders, your eyes a little squinted at the screen. I know you’re wondering who the hell I think I am writing to you—as if I know your life or what you’re going through, as if could even begin to understand the depths of your trials, or the aches in your heart.

I don’t. I’ll fully admit that.

But see, I’m not writing to you from a place of perfection. I’m not writing to you from a high horse, from a chair of confidence, from this all-knowing stance, or from any ground other than the one you’re standing on.

I’m not writing to you because I think I know who you are or where you’ve been, or because I think I could ‘fix you’ or that you’re even in need of fixing.

I’m writing to you in my brokenness, in my failure, in my fear and insecurity and sin and mistakes. I’m writing to you because I am you, in so many ways. I’m writing to you because I want you to know you’re not alone. You’re heard. You’re noticed. You’re loved.

See, there’s a big misconception about my faith—that we’re people who think we’re better, that we’re trying to ‘save’ people that need saving, as if you aren’t capable of helping yourselves. But that’s not what Christianity is about. It’s not about telling people that they’re damned and sinful. It’s not about trying to act like we’re better, just because we believe in the unseen.

I’m writing to you, not because I think you need help, or because I think I’m in a much better place, or because it’s some moral duty of mine—I’m writing to you because I care. I’m writing to you because I used to be you. The person who was fine on their own, or broken and alone, or just swimming through life, attempting to find my own direction.

And I want you to know you don’t have to be lost.

I want you to know that life is all ups and downs. Sometimes you’ll feel incredible. Sometimes you’ll wake up and know that you do this on your own. And sometimes you’ll be totally able to.

But then other mornings you’ll wakeup and stub your toe on the cabinet. You’ll be out of milk for the cereal you just poured. You’ll be late to work and have your new car rear-ended at the stoplight. You’ll strain your back lifting groceries from the trunk. Your significant other will break up with you. The list goes on—you know what I mean, don’t you?

Sometimes life just gets out of our control. One minute we’re fine, the next we’re flat on our faces on the concrete, wondering what the heck we slipped on. And that’s where faith comes in.

Faith is trusting in the unseen and knowing that there is a God, a God who loves you all the time. Not just when you’re ‘perfect’ or ‘good.’ But not just when you’re broken either.

Faith is knowing that this God gave His son, His everything for you. For me. For us. So that we don’t have to face this craziness alone. So that when we’re up, we can celebrate. So that when we’re down, we can hold onto Him to guide us through.

See, this is why I’m writing to you—because I want you to know that love, to feel that love soak into your pores, to understand that no matter what happens or where you wander or how many times you fall short, you are forgiven and loved.

I want you to know that even though you don’t believe in Him, God is here. He’s waiting for you, and He’s guiding your life. He’s sending you miracles and signs. He’s blessing you. He’s calling you to Him when nothing else in life is going according to your plan.

I hope you listen.

And I hope you understand that I’m writing this because I care, not because I want to shove my beliefs down your throat, not because I have biased intentions, not because I think you and your way of living is ‘wrong.’

But because I know my God is a good God, a wonderful God, an incredible God—and I want you to know Him.

So please, know that you are loved. Know that you are strong. Know that you are beautiful and wonderful and complex and made by a God who will never leave or forsake you, no matter how much you push Him away.

Know that you don’t have to face this world alone.

Know that someone is fighting for you.

Know that my God cares, and I care.

Know that it’s okay to be skeptical, it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to wonder and ask questions and be angry. But know that the anger you feel in your chest can be released. Know that the pain pulled into a tight knot around your heart can be untied. Know that the bitterness can be let go of.

Know you can begin again in His love.

So I hope you let your guard down, just a little. I hope you read these words, and then re-read them, just to know His heart a bit more.

I hope you know my door is open to talk, as is any Christian’s. And I hope that if and when you’re ready, you’ll reach out—to us, to Him—and know that you’ll be welcomed with open arms.

All my love,

Cliff Ochomo . 

I Still Care About You Deeply, This Is Why I Ask You Not To Close The Book

“You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)

We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen

You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)

So don’t let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever” – One Direction

You and I have an extensive history. We had great times. Me being the hopeless romantic I am, I am still the one who adores you. I go through my days thinking about you. I go through goals that I accomplish and I wish you could be there. I go through sleepless nights and thinking to myself, “What if she comes back? I know it won’t be tomorrow or next month, but eventually, what if She does?”
Well, what if you do? I would definitely be shocked, but even more grateful.  I would embrace you with open arms and an open heart. Right now, you turned the page – away from us. But please remember this page. You and I have memories, smiles, laughter, plans, goals and aspirations that YOU AND I made together. You and I – our stories – were popular with my friends.

You know I talked about you. How could I not? When you are so important to me, I could go on and on about you. You made me smile, laugh, you made me thrive. You were my reason to grow. I grew into the confident young guy.

Friends told me, “Oh, she is not worth it. Do not worry about it. she is missing out.” I disagree with PART of that.

You ARE worth it.

I worry about it. I worry day in and day out. You stood by me through hard times. But now, no one gets me like you do; no one compares to you. So yes, I worry.

I do agree, however, that YOU ARE missing out.

I cared about you. I loved you. I supported you. I was there for you through anything and everything. You are missing out on how much I care. I highly doubt you will find someone who cares for you more than I do.

I have plans of my own that will go with me to my grave. Will you know these plans? When the time is right, then yes, you will. You are you. You will always know what is up with me and my life. I cannot leave you behind, like you left me.
YES, I JUST SAID THAT. You left me. You gave up. And as I type this, I am crying tears flowing back . Saying that out loud is absolutely heartbreaking. Admitting to myself and coming to terms with the fact that you gave up . . . it is like a thousand needles piercing my heart.

See . . . I cannot give up on you. I refuse to give up. You know why?

Out of all my friends, ONE supports you and I. And it is he, who gives me that reminder to follow my heart. My heart says to hold onto our memories because they will one day flourish once again. My friend roots for you.He thinks we would go perfect together. He was like, “Don’t give up. I can see you two together. I support you two.” HE SUPPORTS US. HE ROOTS FOR US. I swear he got the chills when I told him about “us”.
I CARE ABOUT YOU. Always have, always will. I believe in you and I. That is why I ask you to not close the book. Do not close it, simply bookmark it. You know I will always be here.
“Please don’t tell me

It’s the end of the story

Don’t close the book on me

Oh don’t you close the book on me

We’ve gone our separate ways

We’ll meet up on another page

Don’t close the book on me

Oh don’t you close the book on me

You bookmark this page

In time you will see

If you have no to turn

You can turn back to me

You can turn back to me

Turn back to me” – Honor Society
You and I were C-Squared. THAT is what I hold onto. So go live your life, please do. I will live mine. But NO ONE can ever take YOUR place. So, when I am still single, if and when you turn back to our page, then do not be surprised. I will live my life. I will go after my dreams, my goals, and my ambitions. And if and when you come back, then I will happily welcome you with open arms, an open heart . . . and open doors to our empire. 

To love is to suffer

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

I’m going to write you out of me, but the wound, the wound I’ll keep. I’ve been searching for closure, for a reason, for the answers to all the questions my aching heart still sings, and I’ve come to discover something in my pursuit: we should not pine for closure.

Do you see these scars? They tell stories, they carry memories, and they are my whole life. Without the heartbreaks, the mistakes, and the misgivings… I would not be who I am.

Instead of walking slowly to my fate, I am able to swim in the ocean created by all of the tears I have shed. Instead of searching for words out of empty lungs, mine are filled with endless amounts of love I wasn’t able to give. Instead of carrying pain into the unknown future, I am armed with thicker skin from these marks. Instead of fearing love, my heart is dripping of hope for the dreams it has not yet reached.

I have been searching for a way to stitch these open wounds from my last love, but there’s a certain beauty to them now. They are raw and they are real. They are proof of how hopelessly a hopeless romantic can feel. They are the evidence to emotions that pulse through our veins. They are the love stories that are not yet over.

I’ve realized that I don’t need you to heal me. There’s a certain beauty in being broken. It means that I am not invincible. It means that I am not afraid to fall. It means that I am willing to give up my heart for yours. It means that someone else’s broken pieces may eventually compliment mine imperfectly.

I’ve realized that I don’t need someone to save me. There’s something gorgeous about someone whose eyes admit they can be weak. It means that not only see the world, but also really feel it. It means we don’t fear it because it’s already broken us. We are resilient simply because we’ve learned to function in our brokenness. We’ve found happiness in the empty crevices of our puzzled hearts.

I don’t need you to tell me why you left me, if you’ll ever find me again, where it went wrong, when you thought it was right, or any other 2am thought at night. I need those memories, the epic fights, the moment I fell for you, the moment I first hated you – I need them all as a reminder of the women I have become.

But I am not perfect. I am scarred and I am bruised. I am damaged in the best way. I have lived life enough to get hurt. I have hurt enough to grow. I have grown enough to find beauty in the remnants of a storm that tormented my heart. Now there is no symmetry to my heart, but is there truly ever any symmetry in art?

I will write you out of me – I promise you, but this wound I will keep. I will continue to carry my heart on my sleeve. It’s a badge of honor that I will carry with a plastic smile. It shows that I am not afraid to love. It shows that I am not afraid to fail. It shows that I stronger in pieces than I am whole – because I know what it’s like to put myself back together.

So keep your answers to yourself when you wake up with regret. My search for closure has ceased. Instead I’m looking for adventure to fill in the empty spaces. Instead I’m searching for the pieces of me I have not yet found. I go on this journey wounded – but do not get this confused with pained. I am proud of my sensitive heart. It is my biggest weakness and my biggest strength.

I am as fragile as paper, but alas, all the best love stories are written on them.

Life is a Gift

Life is a gift. Live everyday as a thank-you note.

-Anonymous-

From the moment we are conceived we receive the greatest gift. We come to this world. From the moment we are conceived we receive the greatest gift. We come to this world and we open our eyes, the first thing we do is scream! We are taken into the unknown and we start learning “what world and we open our eyes, the first thing we do is scream! We are taken into the unknown and we start learning “what we need to know to survive” and unconsciously we start the race.

Existential crisis have become so common nowadays, it is our conscience trying to flourish and keeping us present. We start discovering how precious our present moment is, and we are eager to discover our truth.

Health and eating habits start to change, discovering your passion becomes a priority, experiencing life is your greatest gratification, new people come into your life full of positiveness and becomes your family and only the ones who matter and don’t care embrace the new you with true love.

You are definitely experience a lot of challenges along the way, since to others you have lost your mind, because the most valuable things for you are not material anymore, you become an observer of the physical world and the only time you worry about is NOW.

You stay away from negativity and toxic people, but you do it with love. You accept that many are still in the journey of getting a glimpse of light while you have started your greatest adventure.

You are just thankful to be alive, to breath, for every decision you made brought you here. You have just discovered that you are able to see the world with new eyes, the challenges that come along will only benefit you to become a better version of yourself. You no longer mourn on the past or have anxiety about the future, because the only life you have is NOW.

You are just blessed and thankful to feel alive, and realize the greatest things of the world and the universe are within yourself. You love the gift of life you were given since the moment you were conceived, and thank you becomes your daily note. And your journey into remembering and discovering yourself begins.

With Love & Joy

 

 

Love like you’ve been hurt.

Love like you’ve been let down, seen the other side of passion, come to understand that what can swell and expand and enlighten can also break down, fall to pieces, and destruct. Love like you know it isn’t magic. That what can begin can also end, and that loving someone else is never going to be without that risk.

Love like you have been hopeless – like you have doubted love would ever come back to you, that your heart would ever heal, that passion and sincerity and mutual intoxication would ever be something you would get to hold inside your heart. Love like you’ve spent a lifetime working on yourself outside of love, because you know that you’re the only person who will ever make you whole.

Love like you are braver now. Love like you’re more compassionate. Love in a way that shows you understand other people have limits and issues and that you are not exempt from their overflow. Love in a way that knows that even the best of people are going to fuck up and let you down and be entirely fallible and it’s possible to keep loving them anyway. Love in a way that shows forgiveness where it is deserved.

Love like you understand – that if you don’t keep trying to win them, every second of every passing day, you’re going to lose them.
Love as though you’ve watched everything that you once wanted slip between your fingers and you remember what it felt like when it all crumbled apart. Love like someone who understands that it takes work to keep love alive. And you are somebody, now, who is willing to put in that work.

Love like you have been broken. Like your delusions have been crushed and your dreams have come undone and you have feared that you will never make it back to a place of trust and peace. Love like you know the deepest, murkiest, muddiest corners of love and you aren’t afraid to go there again. Love like you know that it is worth it.

Because it is.

Because now, more than ever, you understand that love is not a miracle. It’s not a mirage. It’s not a drug that you’re allowed to get hooked on and bleed another person dry from, always trying to get your next fix.

Love like you are patient. Like you’re kinder. Like you’re calmer and older and more understanding of what it takes to keep love alive in a world that does everything it possibly can to tear people apart from each other.

Love like you’ve been deeply, irreparably hurt.

Because you’ll be a better lover for it.

Because once you’ve been hurt, you know that it can happen again. That it may even be likely to. That your life is not a fairytale and your lover is not a God and that the decision to devote yourself to someone is inherently laden with risk.

And yet you’re willing to take that risk anyway.

Because you are not falling in love this time, so much as you are walking headfirst into it. Choosing it. Accepting all the risk and the unknowns and deciding that it is worth it anyway.

Because that kind of love is ferocious.

And it makes each heartbreak before it worthwhile.

A Grandpa letter to new born

Dear Munna….

Welcome to this world.
This is a beautiful, lovely and amazing place, and you have been sent here to make it more beautiful and more amazing..
Who has sent you?
Nobody has been able to know that till date.. and probably it’s not even important. So please don’t waste your time on such questions.
We all have a limited time here. And how so much we might have, it always seems less.
There is so much to see, so much to know and so much to experience that you don’t have any time to waste.
Possibilities are endless, you can become anything, you can do anything, you can change this world.
Try something new, everyday, try to learn and understand something new, and if in doubt, remember, it’s always better to regret something after doing it rather than regretting without doing it.
Because by doing something, even if you don’t gain anything, you will gain experience, which is very valuable.
Experience everything, but don’t get addicted. Experiences will help you differentiating right from wrong, they will prevent you from committing mistakes, but don’t be afraid of committing mistakes, because only those who do something, make mistakes.
Take responsibility of your mistakes, and try to rectify them, forgive other people’s mistakes and give them a chance to rectify them.
No one likes to commit mistakes or misbehaves on purpose. You don’t know, what’s going on in anyone’s life.
So, treat everyone the way you treat yourself, be as lenient to others as you are to yourself, respect everyone, trust everyone, and most importantly, love everyone.
Love is very sparse in this world, and everyone needs it. You will need it too, don’t hesitate to ask for it, don’t hesitate to show it.
Life is too short to be shy.
Dance like there is no tomorrow, sing with all your heart, eat as much as you want, laugh loudly, and always cry like a baby, just like you were crying now… on phone.
Only your body should grow old, not your heart.
The day you loose your innocence, you loose your life.
Think about your future, but don’t worry about it.
Think about the past, but don’t get lost in it.
There will be good days and bad, don’t boast too much when the days are good, and don’t loose hope when the days are bad.
Don’t give yourself all the credit for your success, and never blame others for your failures.
Just keep moving forward. Keep spreading happiness.

And always remember, you have been sent here just for one reason, to make this world, more beautiful, and more amazing.

Lots of love.

Your Grandfather