Lord,Hear My Voice

DEAR GOD,

I’m spiraling. I’m floating. I’m spinning. I’m losing sight of you and your love in my life. I keep trying to stay focused on the person I’m supposed to be, the person you’ve created me to be, but right now I just feel so lost.

I need your help.

I don’t know when this all began—the feeling of separation from you, the fear, the exhaustion, the struggle to just get out of bed in the morning, the hopelessness when it comes to my purpose, my place in the universe. I used to be so put together. I used to get up and feel like I was on top of the world. I used to exude confidence, self-assurance, security because I knew I was on the right track.

I used to feel your presence in my every movement; I was so determined, maybe even a little prideful because I felt like I was doing all I was supposed to be doing.

And now I’m just sitting here, staring out the window, wondering how to conjure up those feelings again, wondering if I’m too far gone for you to bring me back to you.

But that’s silly isn’t it? Silly for me to doubt in the moment I need you the most. Silly to think that for a second you’d abandon me, even though my existence is so small in the big scheme of things. Because you haven’t. Because you won’t.

You’ve been here for me, countless times before. Every moment I questioned your presence, you brought something into my life that showed me I was never alone. Every second I found myself slipping, you put your arms around me and pulled me back into your grace.

So why is it that now I’m doubting again?

God, I need a reminder of who I am and where I’m going. I need a reminder of who you are and have always been. I need a reminder of the powerful, loving Savior I serve and the incredible things He’s forever doing in the lives of those who follow Him.

I know I’m being foolish, letting my human insecurities and fears cloud my mind. I know I’m being foolish, thinking that I’m so far away from your light I won’t be able to find my way back. I know I’m being foolish, thinking that you don’t love me or that I’m lost and will never be found.

It’s just so hard when the rest of the world keeps spinning—no matter what I try to do, I always feel three steps behind.

But you remind me that what the rest of the world is doing is not of my concern. I don’t need to measure up, to fit, to be ‘on track’ by human standards; I need to be right where you want me to be. I am right where you want me to be. And I need to trust that you’re in control, leading me through this season of doubt.

I need to trust that you are my God, and no matter what I’m feeling on the inside, no matter what’s happening around me, no matter how hopeless or lost I feel, you’re here with me. And you’re not going anywhere.

So please calm my heart. Give me deep breaths and clear thoughts. When I start to worry, remind me of your word. When I start to question, show me answers and the will to keep moving, even if I feel at a standstill.

Bring me light when I’m in darkness and a path to follow when I feel like I’m wandering in circles. When doors close in front of me, give me new ones to open. When people walk away, give me courage to seek out relationships that both build me, and honor you.

When I don’t know who I am anymore, tell me that I am yours.

And in this crazy world, that’s all I want to be.

Please remind me, each time that I forget.

AMEN.

A Prayer For The Days You Feel Broken Beyond Repair

Dear God,

I come to you with every part of myself shattered. I come to you with the person I used to be so far gone, I can hardly remember him. I come to you with honestly, nothing.

Because I not only have lost my way, but I’ve lost myself.

Today I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize the reflection. There is an ache that I can see in my face, in the lines around what used to be my smile, in the hollowness of my eyes.

Father, I’m sad. I’ve been betrayed. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been hard on myself. I used to be so strong. I used to be so happy. Life used to bring me down, but never this far. I always had the strength to rise again.

But now, I don’t know what happened.

Maybe I’ve strayed too far from your light. Maybe I let people pull me away from your mercy. Maybe I’ve trusted my own feet to guide me, when I should have been following your footsteps all along.

Maybe I’ve been trying to do this all alone, when what I really need to do is let go and give this pain to you.

See, God, I’ve been aching for too long now. My heart feels broken. My eyes feel heavy. My legs are like dead weight, dragging behind me with every step. I’ve started to see the world differently. I don’t open my eyes and smile into the sunshine. I don’t laugh easily at the silly jokes of life. I don’t look at strangers, or listen to the birds, or pet puppies when they pass by me on the street.

I’ve just been ho-humming through my days. I’ve just been wishing every second away. I’ve just been dreading, and plugging, and existing. I haven’t been living. And I want this to change.

Lord, I need you. I need your grace. I need your forgiveness. I need your love to lift this heavy weight from my shoulders and help me begin again.

For too long I’ve been carrying this burden. For too long I’ve been letting my heartache determine my fate. For too long I’ve been looking in this mirror and only seeing the cracks, the brokenness, the faults, the flaws.

And I need to see you again.

Lord, I ask that you come back into my life, that you flood me with your holiness and happiness. I ask that you come to me in my brokenness, in my undeserving, sinful nature, and remind me that I am always forgiven, always loved.

Please remind me who I am. Please remind me I am yours.

Please take these shattered pieces of my heart, these tired hands, these crying eyes, this lonely heart and turn my face to you, Lord. Show me how your forgiveness has healed me, and will continue to heal me, every single day. Show me how your mercy will lift me from this place of despair.

Show me that I do not have to live like this anymore.

And brighten my days, bring a smile to my face. Teach me that when I feel irreparably broken, I can always turn to you and you will make me whole again.

Remind me that I am never alone.

And remind me, when I look in the mirror, that I need not look for negativity, for faults, for all the pieces of me that are imperfect. Help me to see happiness again. Help me to see a Son of Christ, beautiful because of His love for me.

Amen.